And I don’t eat my friends,” but we’ll ignore that today.) Valentine’s Day is not quite the soulless-greetings-card-company invention people make it out to be. I’ve never ‘celebrated’ it but if you like sugar-dusted clichés, I certainly will cheer you on. It’s cutesy, juvenile but a nice anti-thesis to humdrumdrudgery. You can play the sophisticate of course and ignore the hearts and balloons and just buy some orchids, a nice bottle of wine and eat sexy food made with aphrodisiac ingredients.
Because this Valentine’s Day falls on a Monday I’ve made two breakfast suggestions that can be served in bed. The two other recipes are also super quick and super simple to do so you can rustle up a sexy, romantic dinner for your sweetie even if you come back late from work tomorrow. All you need is some teensy shopping and some weensy prep and you’re set. As for the feta, fig salad — if you had the ingredients you could make it right now, with one hand, while you read the comics. And if you’re on your own this Valentine’s Day, well, get cooking — everything is so lovely to eat and there’ll be more for you!

You can start a conversation with the
author about food at http://loveinthekitchenlaughteratthetable.blogspot.com

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Cupid Omelette
I’ve been thinking about adding pepper puree to an omelette for a while. Chopped peppers get a texture that takes away from the fluffiness of a certain kind of omelette. Left overnight, peeled, the roasted red pepper gets velvety and blends beautifully with the smoked salmon. Make sure the puree is as smooth as possible and the eggs are of good quality. Cooked, the omelette is lightly pink and golden brown and when garnished with more puree and a salmon heart is gorgeous and very sexy food. (I bought a silicon pancake heart-shaped mould which I used to make this omelette shape with. But round is also good.)

Method:

Roast the red pepper (the previous night if possible) on an open flame. Put in a glass bowl, cover with a plate and leave for ten minutes or more. Carefully peel off the charred skin. Do not wash the pepper; a few flecks of black skin won’t hurt but water will wash off the subtle flavours brought out by the roasting. Leave overnight if you can. If not, wait till room temperature and puree. Reserve 1 tablespoon of pepper puree for garnish, then blend the rest with the smoked salmon. (Leave a bit of the salmon to cut out in a heart shape for garnish.) Now for one egg, you need three tablespoons of the red pepper, salmon mix. Beat nicely with a pinch of salt. Heat a little oil in a pan and pour the mix carefully. It will not be as robust as a usual omelette because of the puree. Cover the pan and cook gently for about 2 or three minutes. Shake the pan gently. If the omelette keeps its shape, very very gently, using a sharp, wide spatula, flip the omelette and turn off the heat immediately. Let the uncooked side of the omelette ‘seal’ on the warm pan and then slide onto a plate. Serve immediately with toast, cream cheese and caviar.

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Smoked oyster fettucine
So, I’m assuming you won’t be eating raw oysters on the half shell either; nevermind if the month has an R in it or not. The next best thing? Smoked oysters. (Insert an involuntary ‘ummmmm’.) I love them. I love them so much for my last birthday I was gifted two tins and it was the best present ever! I ate them standing, fork in tin while the children looked on in disgust. I ignored them. Oysters are A-rated, sexy food. Smoked oysters are sexier! Basil is on some aphrodisiac lists and spinach has iron which is good for the blood. This pasta is super subtle, delicious and you could eat it, in private, with your hands. (Not in bed, though.)

Method:

Remove the oysters from the tin and reserve the smoky oil. Crush the garlic clove and add to 2 tablespoons of the smoky oil with a tablespoon of olive oil: warm in the microwave for 1 minute. (Be very careful while doing this and it helps if you wait for the oil to cool down a bit before removing it. We had a small accident in the kitchen today involving hot oil so…) Discard the garlic. While the oil is still warm (but not hot) stir in the basil and spinach leaves so they wilt slightly. Boil the pasta and cook it for the amount of time recommended. Drain. While the pasta is still hot, toss with the infused oil and leaves and the smoked oysters. Squeeze a lemon over and serve immediately with some fresh ground pepper if you have it. (Though it’s lovely on its own.)

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Almond Crumbed Fillets of Fish with Asparagus
I read somewhere that asparagus was very much on the menu for men about to get married because, well, in addition to being full of vitamins and potassium, the green shoots boost histamine production which is very necessary for, well… Google it. This is a family page. Almonds are similarly well endowed. Almonds and asparagus go very well together. This meal is beautifully simple and while I have used the lovely firm fleshed ‘ghol’ fish because it’s easy to fillet, you could use chicken, sliced finely or vegetable steaks.

Method:

Wash the fish and cut the fillets so that they are not more than 2 cms thick. You want them to cook through before the almond-parmesan crust burns. Dry the fillets. Mix the parmesan, almond, thyme, garlic and add some salt and pepper. Taste. If it’s just a little on the salty side, that’s alright. Empty some of the parmesan-almond crumbs into a plate. (You don’t want to contaminate the whole batch with egg and raw fish. You can use the leftover bits to crumb something else later.) Add a pinch of salt to the egg and beat it well. Put your maida in a plate and dust your fish fillets with flour, shaking off the excess flour. Put a heavy pan on the stove greased with a few glugs of olive oil. Dip the floured fish in egg and then press down into the plate with parmesan crumbs making sure the fillets are covered nicely. Place on the hot pan and fry on medium heat. 3 minutes on one side, 2 on the other. If you’ve done it right, you will have a golden brown crust and just done to perfection insides. (Don’t be scared of cutting open a fillet, or frying an extra ‘test’ one to make sure the others are cooked. There’s nothing sexy about undercooked fish.) Dust with parmesan, more herbs, a spritz of lemon and serve with asparagus.

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Warm fig, feta and asparagus salad
Dear god, it embarrassed me to even look at this. Call me a prude, but putting figs, asparagus and wine in the same dish is enough to make anyone blush. And there are walnuts in here too — brain food — in case your erogenous zone is between your ears. I’ve adapted a very complicated recipe to make it simple, fresher (less cooking) but just as good to eat. Don’t go by the picture, because it really cannot do justice to what happens inside your mouth when you eat this salad.

Method:

Snap the woody ends off and blanch the asparagus in boiling water for 4 minutes. Drain and leave to dry. Cut the figs into quarters, wipe dry. Dust generously with icing sugar. Heat butter in a frying pan and then throw the figs in. Turn them so they’re mostly skin-side down. Shake them gently, ‘righting’ any that fall, flesh down on the pan. Do this on a medium to brisk heat, watching like a hawk. You want the skin to darken, even caramelise if you can manage it but not cook the flesh which will go instantly pudgy. After about 4 or 5 minutes, remove and reserve. Give the pan a wipe, put in a tablespoon of butter and throw in your walnuts. Stir until they begin to glisten and brown. Sprinkle a pinch of salt, pepper and pour in the wine. Keep stirring occasionally until the wine reduces to about half. Keep the wine simmering. With a slotted spoon, remove the walnuts, blend them smooth, add the puree back to the wine. Turn off the heat and stir in the honey. On a griddle pan, if you have one, or a regular pan, put in a tablespoon of butter, salt and pepper and briskly sear the asparagus. Now on a pile of washed lettuce leaves, pile the asparagus, then the figs, then the walnut, honey, wine dressing and crumble feta over. Eat while still warm.