If you were to grade your emotional poise between struggling, coping and mastery, which would you choose? My guess would be somewhere between level one and two — rarely, if ever, level three.

If that’s the case, have you ever asked yourself — why do you have to always be struggling some of the time, coping the rest of the time? Why can’t you wake up in the morning a master of yourself, move through the day with energy, poise and purpose, close the day with the supreme satisfaction of winning some, losing some, but having lived every moment well? Is it impossible? Are you locked with a broken groove ins-ide, is the music of your life stuck in a monotonous and endlessly repetitive loop? If so, can you undo the damage and reinvent yourself?
I can say this much — we are all caught in a vortex of tiny unnamed fears that twirl around endlessly in our heads, enter every relationship, every conversation every day. A lot of these fears have been around since your childhood, but you have kept adding on to them as you grew older. Since you don’t know the fears exist, you can do nothing to shoo them away. Since you have unknowingly accepted them, you have given them a licence to play havoc with your poise. And boy, do they play havoc!
They can rip you apart in a split second. If by chance you are feeling extraordinarily good about yourself, they can prod a 900 volt current inside and zap you out of your calm. They will only be satisfied when you are restless
and jumpy. That’s their nature.
The quality of fear is restlessness. Nobody can be super cool, and sh*t scared at the same time. Looking at it another way, it’s an addiction and you are under threat
of becoming a fear junkie. Fear injects adrenalin and cortisol and hundreds of other heady drugs inside your bloodstream.
Your body gets used to them and asks for more. Being a fear addict is no different from being a nicotine addict. The only difference is that the nicotine is coming from outside while the cortisol is being produced within.
Enough of theory. Let’s start. First, learn to hear the running commentary playing in your head. I recently had an opportunity to meet youngsters practising a music session, and could take a step back, reading their faces and hearing the commentary inside.
One such commentary goes somewhat like this: “Oh here comes that guitarist… I mean isn’t he simply awesome! Oh, my hair is in a mess! My nails — sh*t I should have painted them! I mean what will he think of me? Oh, he’s smiling at that chick! Her top’s cute! I should have worn something better. Hey Hi! Wow, You look great too! I’m so happy!
He actually ignored that tall chick and walked up and shook my hand! Do I think I can date him? I
would love to! What — yes, of course!
Say that again? No, I mean I can’t play music… no, I am not the lead guitarist from the other college. She isn’t me… I mean she isn’t here. Sh*t Sh*t Sh*t.
He thought I was that other girl. What? You like my hair! Ha ha ha! Really? Wow! You were pulling my leg right? Well, I love your music! I bet all the girls you meet say the same thing! Oh he’s walked off. Bloody hell. He never liked my hair. How could he? It’s such a mess!”
Really such a mess. Let’s start straightening it up next week.