He has been styling my hair for the last five years in Dubai. Whenever I visit, he cuts my hair with precision and highlights the strands for that perfect glow. He knows his job and he enjoys it as well. We even laugh together when he tells me that homosexuals put a lot more passion into their work than straight people do, as they try to win people’s affection through their work, hence, putting in that extra bit makes the difference.

I call him JR — he has a long name, but in order to preserve his identity, I’ll refrain from mentioning it.
JR came to Dubai with a broken heart to start life anew. He had a partner back home in Malaysia who cheated on him. He was very lonely and depressed, when his cousin sent him an invitation to come to Dubai and work. “It was rough at first. The culture of the abayas (robes) is very different from my country,” he confessed. “Then I learnt a lesson, that people are the same everywhere, it’s just that their cultures make their outlook and appearance different,” he says.
He realised that he was gay when he was all of eight. “I was different. I felt like playing with dolls,” he says. Even when he grew up, his sexual preference came very naturally to him. “I knew for sure I was different.”
JR then had to tell his parents. His mother did not give him a hard time, as her brother too was gay and she had already accepted this orientation. “Just don’t wear make-up and don’t dress like a woman,” she advised. His father too smiled kindly and said, “It’s okay, I allow you to be gay.” That was the first hurdle crossed in JR’s mind.
JR is in love again and intends to get married. “Gay marriages are allowed in my country. People accept it.” He and his partner want to get married in Jilly in Malaysia, go back to Dubai and work to pay the instalments for the new home they bought in Kuala Lumpur, where they eventually wanted to settle. “In this country, it is difficult to behave gay. You have to act according to your gender. You can be gay but there should be no visible signs of it,” he says, accepting the rules. “We live in a foreign country and we must follow their rules,” he shrugs.
“Do local people bully the gays in your country?” I ask him. Sometime ago, I had written an article on homosexuality when there was speculation about Section 377 of the IPC, on whether it should be abolished or not. At that time, I had interviewed a number of people from this community, and gained a lot of insight into the problems they face. “Gays are not offered jobs as easily as the others. In some instances in my country, they even have to resort to prostitution to meet with their expenses,” he says regretfully. “I would do part time jobs to cover costs. It’s easier to stay within family and social norms. Just be loving to all,” he says.
“People are mean to their own race. We are people, just like them. I feel that when they are unkind, one should simply ignore them. I just believe they are in a bad mood,” he laughs. “My motto is not to say anything unpleasant in reply, because if I do I also become one of them.”
JR and his trainer boyfriend want to adopt a baby after they get married. “Won’t you feel guilty that you are depriving the child of a mother and father?,” I ask JR. “Never guilty,” he says confidently. “A child needs love and flourishes if he gets enough of it. We will certainly be honest when the child is old enough to understand, and explain that his (or her) mother was lost and so we took him into our care,” he said. “Explanation with patience is the key,” he says.
Speaking about the community in India, he says, “People are still angry at homosexuals. However, they are fighting for their rights. The important thing is to be good people and believe in oneself,” he says in a resigned sort of way.