Shock around the clock. Foes turn friends, friends turn foes, it’s just another day of the B-city blues. Never, in your living memory, has the acting fraternity barked and beeped more than they are doing right now. Honestly, they loathe one another to the extent that you wonder: is a Civil War going on out there?
Indeed a remix of Dost dost na raha would be the most accurate theme song of glow business at this very moment. Sangams are out, Dushmanis-Sangrams-Takkars are in. Once they loved each other, kinda. Today they love each other not, totally.

Way back in 1964, Raj Kapoor warbled soulfully at the piano, staring double-edged daggers at Vyjayanthimala and Rajendra Kumar. RK, Dilip Kumar and Dev Anand were as competitive with one another as IPL teams, but there was none of this infantile I’m-not-gonna-invite-you-to-my-party face-ooofs. Come on all ye Khans, B’s (samajh gaye naa?), Kapoor gals, Dutts and Choppy Piggies. Grow up, smell the caffeine.
When they Page 3 photo-flash, the contesting celebrities all look like deer, caught on a highway, in front of a car’s headlights. The girls wear pleats, polka dots and actually pose carrying faux gold clutches or beanbag-like purses.
Errr, even the self-styled fashion police can’t differentiate between the tacky and the tackier. The men are into those black-and-white penguin suits favoured by Biswajeet in the swinging ’60s. Or they’re into muscle-smooching T-shirts, the captions of which are either as American as apple pie or as Japanese as sushi. Unless the intention is to be in a certain Khan’s good books. Then sport the tee: Being Human.
Heavens, excusez, got into that apparel stuff, just to point out that the warring Bollywoodians are in a manner of speaking, dressing up to kill. One actor has to look grungier than the other. If that doesn’t work, heck so what they kid themselves we’re actors, not ramp models. Psst, can’t distinguish between the two categories of late, but let that pass please.
To get down to the star combats, the new edition stars Sanjay Dutt, who invites Salman Khan to party at his apartment, but doesn’t invite Shah Rukh Khan. Politically correct, wonderful. They all reside within sneezing distance, so aachho... egoes catch pneumonia. Dabangg dude’s upset that Sanju baba guest appeared in Ra.One, but nixed playing his dad in Bodyguard. Dutt, it seems, had refused, because that would be giving the impression that he turned dad at the age of 7. Salman’s 45, he’s 52. Thank the lord for mathematics.
Next morning, nails are being bitten. Will they show up to co-host a recording of Bigg Boss? Hatchets are buried — yippee — but then Sanjuji hosts another exclusive party for SRK and gang. Various versions of this party politics are reported, reminders go out that SRK lampooned the D’bangg dude at an awards function. The plot thickens. Hey guys, how about just going out to the studios and making movies instead?
Back in the good ole days, Feroz Khan would be caught in a brawl or two. Shatrughan Sinha made a jibe at Shammi Kapoor, to be sorted and erased. Dilip Kumar and Madhubala wouldn’t talk to each other. Mohammed Rafi and Lata Mangeshkar went katti but patched up gracefully. None of this was blared in the national press, the hostilities weren’t widely known. Now because of the hordes of TV channels and entertainment supplements, star wars are household news.
Male actors have their seasonal favourites. In the event, the heroines are on a virtual merry-go-round. Priyanka Chopra has no love lost for Salman Khan (and vice versa), and plants herself in the SRK fold. After all, the Shahid Kapur connection didn’t really boost her ratings. Kareena Kapoor won’t be seen dead or alive with Shahid Kapur, Abhishek Bachchan, Hrithik Roshan... fortunately, she has no issues with the Khans, neither do they (hopefully).
Amitabh Bachchan and Ajay Devgn wouldn’t rate Shah Rukh Khan as their best dinner companion. Neither would SRK. Bachchan Sr, of course, has hit a record of sorts when it comes to breaking ties with friends, be it the once nearly conjoined to the hip Amar Singh, at one time Prakash Mehra (till the director gave a nasty interview against him). And you certainly won’t find ex-buddies invited to the Bachchan soirees if they’ve hit a rough patch in their careers.
Javed Akhtar on record has nothing but praise for the angry young man of yore. Salim Khan, though, is pungently critical. Neither was Bachchan ever chummy with rivals Rajesh Khanna and Vinod Khanna. But then why should he be? Cool, leave him be to his attitude. It’s worked.
Deepika Padukone has a split personality vis-à-vis Ranbir Kapoor, roasting him like a coffee bean on a TV show, and then purring pretty that they’re still buddies, and cell-talk every day. Huh? Sonam Kapoor at least knows her mind, and will call a spade a spade, without softening her statement. Katrina Kaif has some petty issue with Sonakshi Sinha not saying hello, hi, hey, whatever. And Sonakshi merely has issues with wearing bikinis. The mind boggles.
John Abraham and Viveik Oberoi, separately, have had their quota of irreparable confrontations. Imraan Khan and Ranbir Kapoor are friends, then they’re not, and are friends again. Eeps. And Rani Mukherjee has a temporary fallout with Sanjay Leela Bhansali, who in turn has a permanent fallout with the ubiquitous Salman Khan. Ouch, the number of dosts-dosts-na-raha keep multiplying like rabbits.
Okay, so why’s all this mega-negativity in the Bolly-air? Why should an Aamir Khan, who had differences with Salman Khan while shooting Andaz Apna Apna, suddenly become more pally than Jai-Veeru of Sholay with the same Khan? Perhaps because, this era of drawing audiences to a movie during the first weekend of its release, requires intense publicity. Strategies. Unexpected alignments and enmities are hot, scoop photos have to be contrived for the paparazzi.
The other reason is that competition isn’t healthy anymore, although there’s room for all. Who’s No. 1 right now? The answer to that keeps blowing in the wind. Which Khan tops? Salman’s rocking, SRK’s overseas fan base rocks on regardless. As for Kareena Kapoor, she keeps crying herself hoarse that she’s the best. Now shouldn’t that be left to the audiences, instead of baiting Katrina Kaif?
And so all you can say, is hey guys, chill. Make cinema, not war.