Today we are going to talk about my favourite animal. Well, that is not quite true. Actually, there is not that much animal about Shriman Kunal Vijayakar. Except for the coughing. No, wait a minute. Come to think of it, I can’t think of any animal that can cough. So let’s not be uncharitable. Let me rephrase the beginning.

Today we are going to talk about my favourite living thing. A living thing — as defined by the Webster Dictionary, Prabhadevi version — is something that is part being and part thing. And this is what Shri Vijayakar is.
Now the reason. Shree Vijayakar is in the news because he just recently presented the Foodie Awards. Awards to the best in the food business. To understand a little bit more about Shree Vijayakar, let’s look at his life via food. He was apparently born to a rich Mumbai family, and this is off all the records and against the realm of science itself: His first words were “ma… makhani”.
What is not clear is if the remark pertains to dal makhani or chicken makhani — the jury is still not out on this. At the age of just 16 weeks, Shri Vijayakar fell ill for the first time. This was a result of being forced to eat his first green, and a green of the frenchbean is a bit of what scientists call a “has green”. At the age of three years and seven months Shri Vijayakar got into his first brawl. He punched, slapped, kicked and stamped on two seven-year-olds who tried to steal his lunch which consisted of chicken lettuce and mayonnaise but no tomato. Shri Vijayakar hates tomato. Although, like most hypocritical tomato-haters, he has no problem with the tomato ketchup. By now people around him, like his parents, teachers, friends and local caterers, got wind of his obvious potential. A couple of incidents from his childhood stand out and bear repetition.
He once attended young Ankush’s birthday party. The party was spectacular, but cometh the food, then cometh the problem.
Shri Vijayakar staged his first protest, his first strike, his first walkout. For him, a nine-year-old, it was a matter of principle, let fun and games be damned. It is so nice to see in the cut-throat malicious age we live in that one young, tender nine-and-a-half-year old could be filled with a strong moral code. An unbreakable moral fibre. A sign of both the revolutionary and the visionary.
Shri Vijayakar unceremoniously and without slightest hesitation walked out of Ankush’s party to protest against food. After all, only vegetarian food was available. Only vegetarian! And to encourage this slight to non-vegetarians would tantamount to treason. As a lad of honour Shri Vijayakar showed exemplary courage under fire by walking out. Courage, because he did this in spite of the fact that dessert was about to be served. Desert included his favourite malai kulfi and lagan nu custard. The incident was slightly marred by the fact that on his way out, he took back Ankush’s birthday present. But let’s not be too harsh on a nine-year-old.
The second incident occurred on his first date. He and his girlfriend of that time, Tejaswini (now married thrice), went to enjoy the gorgeous Mawa cake at Meherwan’s. Unfortunately, there was only one slice of Mawa cake left. Just one slice. Yet, in an unparalleled act of chivalry, Kunal Vijayakar, rather Shri Kunal Vijayakar, agreed to allow Tejaswini a bite before consuming the Mawa cake, in a mad feeding frenzy. As you can tell by these incidents, here was a man whose very character, very personality, very philosophy was shaped, guided and moulded by food.
Years later Shri Vijayakar landed the job he was born to do — that of a food guide. Not so much critic as guide. And as food guide who leads his flock to many different gastromic experiences, albeit in tight-fitting clothes, he has been excelled.
Last week was the icing on the cake. He conducted his very own foodie awards, where the real food lovers and creators were honoured for their art and the pleasure they gave over the years to all of us.
It wasn’t the glam Page 3 overrated over-hyped restaurateurs, but the real deal, because when it comes to food Shri Kunal Vijayakar is the “real deal”. As I said, the awards went off splendidly, and yes, Ankush was not invited.