Tell it from within
Sheila asked her colleague to review her proposal before she sent it to the prospective client. He read it and simply looked at her. Sheila said nervously, “You don’t like it, do you?” What happened? The colleague had not uttered a word but Sheila picked up what was unsaid. What she gathered was the meta-message.
Gerard Nierenberg, the American lawyer and author is credited with coining the term “meta-message”. It refers to the messages that are not directly delivered but emerge from between the written or spoken lines.
The spoken lines carry eight per cent of the verbal content of any communication, and everything around that which is 92 per cent, is non verbal communication: The tone of the voice, the pitch, rhythm, gestures, physiology, face, body posture… and this is what the receiver picks up unconsciously. They respond to the 92 per cent, to what is called the meta-message: the packaging of the message.
If you want to get the message across, you have to take care of your own communication. If most of the time you get a negative reaction from people around you, step back and look at yourself: how was your meta-message? Remember, what you say is not as important as how you say it is.
It certainly needs great alertness to be aware of one’s own meta-message. It means you have to be aware of your energetic response, the way you look, your body language, your breathing, what you feel inside at the moment, is your smile fake or genuine. Don’t rely too much on the words, they don’t convey much.
You can be an effective communicator if you make meditation a part of your daily routine. A beautiful meditation created by Osho could help you achieve this.
Sit comfortably, close your eyes, and start being aware of your body from within. Just watch the body, part by part, then start watching your breathing. Simply watch, without trying to change it. This watchfulness is deeply relaxing. As your watching goes deeper your field of awareness starts growing. You can be aware of many levels of your being. Now include the sounds all around you, without rejecting them. Just be a receiver, an empty vessel in which all the sounds fall like water. With every new experience your awareness will grow and you will be relaxed in the same measure.
Now use this awareness in communication. Whenever anybody approaches you, take a deep breath before answering and connect to your inner world. Instantly, you will be in a different space, a space from which you can alter your meta-message to a more accepting, welcoming, friendly response.
This will be immediately reflected in the other person in a positive way.
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