America is the best country

Sep 02, 2012 - Ram Gopal Varma

Last Sunday I answered questions. I rather enjoy doing this, most of the time anyway, when the questions are not predictable ones like who I am dating (I do not date), what I ate for breakfast (I hate eating), and why I do not like Karan Johar’s films (I love them).

But I have some inhuman questions since I am sub-human, even though there are occasions when I would like to think I am super-human. I tweet and read frequently. I write, and I think over vodka (I don't care if you believe it or not). Vodka is the best thing I like about Russia except, of course its women. And, above all, I like its Mafia. Anyway coming back to the topic, despite my delusionally convinced, self-presumed intelligence, I still continue to be baffled by quite a few things. Three of these are:

I am baffled by the fact that God has such sadistic tendencies. Or else why on earth would he have created the common cold? Even Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Theresa
and Halle Berry suffer from blocked noses... ahhhhrrggghhhh. I just want to strangle those nitwit viral organisms which don’t have the decency to respect great souls, philanthropic giants and plain old-fashioned beautiful people. I am sorry to say this but whoever created an organism which would make me see Halle Berry with a running nose is being much too sadistically cruel for my liking.

I am baffled why in a wired or wire-free world why anyone has to go to an office, school or college anymore. If meetings are about discussing, showing and presenting, all that can be done online anyway.
Additionally, you have the freedom to be naked when you are talking to your boss about an important presentation. Frankly, I am wonder why there is any valid reason for two persons to meet in today’s times — except to have sex.

I am baffled that anyone can love the people of any other country more than loving the people of America who have given us exotic cars, beautiful women, fantastic
movies and, above all, a topic for all us to brag about. That topic is that so and so relative of ours is in America.
The first time I came to know of America was in school, and that was because of James Bond movies. (Yeah dumbos, I too, realised much later that James Bond is British ...but the women, the bikinis, the guns and the cars look the same everywhere. So what the hell?) Anyway coming to return to the topic, I love America. And I love America more than any woman because America taught me to love a woman for the very fact that she is a woman. So I am baffled that anyone can love any other country.

There are thousands of such questions which baffle me... Between you and me, I don’t really care for the answers. I know you hate me for this... but I love you too!

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