All surprises aren’t fearsome

I am a 36-year-old woman and soon going to get married to a man settled in the US. Do you think it is difficult to adapt to the western culture? It is bothering me because my friends doubt that I would be able to stay all alone in a country abroad. I’ll be honest to admit that I didn’t get much exposure in life because I never had a career. Somehow, I have developed serious self-doubts and I’m losing confidence too.
Anjana Gupta

A. First of all, no one can predict how one may adapt to a situation. Please don’t assume that you won’t. You might adapt better than someone else because you will get to see a whole new world, meet new people, you must look at life as positively as you can and then see what you feel there. Don’t let your thoughts and fears affect your confidence and put you in a shell. See the other side of everything. You are exploring only your fears. You need to make a habit to look at things that are beautiful. All surprises may not be beautiful, but they certainly are not all fearsome. Life will give you everything and you need to change your attitude towards it. All the best. Look at the fun side of things. I respect the way you feel but it’s a waste of your time.

I read somewhere that we should accept rejection/situation which is not in our control. But how long shall we keep accepting rejection? I am writing this because I am a very simple and homely girl and it has been the seventh time that I have been rejected by the guys who have come to meet me for marriage proposals. I developed a fondness for the last guy I met. But again, he rejected me. These rejections are making me feel bad about myself. I am losing my self-esteem. Please help.

A. As human beings we all know a thing or two about rejection and I know it can take a toll on one’s happiness and endurance. Life can be tough on us sometimes and we often think of ourselves as the cause of what we have to deal with and everything around us convinces us of that but that is not true. Sometimes situations make us stronger. Sometimes they make us patient, grounded, wise, bring us closer to ourselves, make us aggressively confident.
Yes, this is a tough phase but I just want you to teach yourself that this has nothing to do with you as a person. Your parents have your best interest at heart and are impatient because they want to make sure you are settled. Try and look at this situation from an outside point of view and also when you feel it’s too unfair, express it to your parents and ask them to slow down. But what makes one brave, strong, courageous is being optimistic and positive in tough situations. That’s what counts. That’s what matters. All the best.

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