Khalid Mohamed

So where’s the birthday party tonight? Now celebrity birthdays can be imaginative. Like in the midst of the shooting of Chennai Express on the far outskirts of Mumbai — according to reports, or rather publicists — Rohit Shetty had retired for the night at 10 pm. Nice... early to bed, early to rise makes a movie director wise.

Then, Shah Rukh Khan knocked on his door, requested him to go out for a walk, which was a subterfuge to lead him to his surprise 40th B-day party. A cake had been confected, topped by a figurine of Mr Shetty, complete with his tattoos. The entire unit, plus the director’s near and dear ones, were there for the surprise festivities. Whoa, Mr Shetty was even gifted an Ed Hardy mobike!
Wow, how come no one ever gave me even a gel pen set? Stupid question. Because my nears and dears aren’t that caring and certainly don’t know of any cake-bakers who could replicate my tattoos — simply because I don’t have any.
Yeah, so the topic du Sunday is Bollywood’s birthday bashes. And I will tell you of three of the best let-them-eat-cake do’s I’ve had the fortune (or misfortune, depending on your attitude) to attend:
l Amitabh Bachchan’s 60th salgirah, 10 years ago on October 11: Now this was something. A mid-noon release of the capuccino-table book To Be or Not To Be kicked off the jolly-ho day. I was on the podium since I had written (I think) the book. Karisma Kapoor was there too since she was scheduled to become Mrs Abhishek. In the evening, a splashy party was thronged by the who’s-hottest of showbiz. And they danced, drank and dined till it was time for breakfast.
Bachchan Sr, actually enjoys hosting his peers. “Don’t be uptight,” he had baritoned into my ear on his 60th. “Just enjoy.” So I did, twisting into infinite pretzel shapes on the boogie floor with a very horrified Urmila Matondkar. She’s a conservative dancer, I’m not.
l Arjun Rampal’s: The actor loves to deejay, which means he hits the music console to belt out the coolest trance tracks. Impressive. Which is why Lady Gaga has also rubbed cheeks with Arjun at the Delhi nightspot he owns (partly or fully I don’t know).
Anyway this bash was at one of the many dinosaur-sized hotel ballrooms near the international airport. Arjun and biwi Mehr are probably the only hosts who know how to enjoy themselves, while simultaneously ensuring every guest is having a whale of a time. Tough feat, tired feet. Yeah, so were all contorting on the strobe-lit floor, and I was left with the unwashable memory of Shahid Kapur dancing like a robotic window-pane cleaner. Neat.
Er, I do crave your indulgence for including this party. I can’t remember whether it was a birthday or a wedding anniversary which was being celebrated. So what? Every day can be a birthday.
l Karan Johar’s 40th on May 25 last year: This was the King Kong of all parties. Truly the media spoilt the fabulous fun, by harping on two burning questions: Will Priyanka Chopra be invited or not? Will she attend or not? That’s why I left early — after sparkling wine and bubbly conversations with Ashutosh Gowariker and Farhan Akhtar. History records will remind generations to come that Peeceeji did, indeed, show up at KJo’s. By the way, two smouldering questions have often troubled me. If I ever throw a party, the first in my life, will Peecee show up? Or more to the point, will I send her an invitation? Go configure!