Khalid Mohamed

N ow Ranb-ir Kapo-or may be yapping at their heels — and about time too. Yet, wherever I go (which is not to many places and parties but still), the top three conversation pieces are the Khan trio, followed by Amitabh Bachchan.

Even my closest friends in New Delhi don’t spare me. Just when I’m curling up for the night with a Coelho or Camus in the guest bedroom, comes the plaint, “Come on, you can’t sleep so early. Tell us all the Bollywood goss.” To perform on cue, then, there I am with my buddy and his wife, sipping cognacs (never mind the onset of the summer), and filling them in about whatever little I know or don’t know about the Khans and Bachchan Sr. Buddy drops off to sleep, but Mrs Buddy is all ears, right off wanting to know about the status of Shah Rukh Khan.

IS SRK SEEING PEECEE OR NOT?:
I hem, “I really don’t know,” and then haw, “Why... what have you heard?” To my horror, she narrates a spice-garnished story about PeeCee, aka Priyanka Chopra, and adds, “Did you know the Shah isn’t even signing her up for his next home production... something called Happy New Year because his wife would be very upset. No more happy new years for him after that, ha ha!” I know not a dot about this. Then I’m told that the leading lady will probably be Aishwarya Rai Bachchan. This Happyish-Vappyish movie will be her comeback like Sridevi’s. Nice, I state, polishing off another Napoleon VSOP.
My friend’s wife is amazing, supporting me in crises, and always insisting that I should get married, pronto. “Never too late!” trills she. Most housemakers like to see their friends and idols married which sparks her next concern.

WILL SALMAN KHAN EVER GET MARRIED?:
I shrug coolly but on Mondays, she prays for Salman’s marriage to the right girl. See, she declares, Katrina Kaif used him as the stepping-stone to success, and is now dating others. Not fair, she opines.
And since she’s a soothsayer of sorts, her prediction is that he will settle down with one of his ex-girlfriends — Somy Ali, whom he is rumoured to be in touch with, or with Sangeeta Bijlani, who he is definitely in touch with.

OF LATE, WHY HASN’T AAMIR KHAN SPARKED A JUICY SCANDAL?:
His female fans, in recent years, are convinced that the fussy Khan is as pure as Porbunder ghee. My friend’s wife doesn’t like this though, “So boring,” she concludes. “What’s a star if he hasn’t created chatpata news since the last six months?” Wow, she may be right. Nowadays he isn’t even figuring among the top three stars in the polls, however random they may be. Ajay Devgn and Akshay Kumar, at times top him. “But what’s to become of Aju after Himmatwala?” she sighs. Imagine, such things worry housemakers much more than rising vegetable prices!

ARE AMITABH BACHCHAN AND REKHA STILL FRIENDS?:
That’s enough. This question is about as old as Mohenjodaro really. Why persist on quizzing journos about it? “Because I’m still not sure,” comes the response. “But you do know that Silsila is one of my favourite films… everyone loves a story of a marriage rocked by an affair. So slice of life, no?”
The way to stop my friend’s wife is to drawl, “Now what if that were to happen to you… huh?” A perfect conversation-ender this. I’m allowed to return to my Coelho or Camus.
And so for this Sunday, the moral of the column was: Don’t gossip. Just listen...