Look at solutions, not problems

Jun 23, 2013 - Anupam Kher

While I understand that socialising and keeping cordial relationship with people around you is good, my neighbour’s interference has really started bothering me. I am a 25-year-old girl putting up alone in a rented apartment. There are times when I invite my friends, sometimes even for night stay. And then I hear all wrong things about me in my society which really disturbs me. Can you suggest something to handle this situation?
Ruchi Vohra

A. Well, we live in a country with completely different sets of thinking. Your neighbour may be uncomfortable but it sure does not give the right to pass judgements and arrive at conclusions. I suggest you confront your neighbour and have an honest conversation with him/her. Tell them that while you may like to have fun and like your space and are independent does not mean it gives them the right to bother you. Be calm about it. Reason with them. In our country we have a lot of diversity and we have to tackle it at every step. At times, it’s even beautiful. I know at times it gets in the way. But I’m sure there is a solution to everything.

I am 28-year-old professional living with my mother and younger brother in a metro city. I am the only earning member of my family and thus have to take care of my younger sibling’s education. I am in love with a guy who is physically disabled. Both his legs are amputated. I want to get married to him in a few years but my mother is against this union as she fears I might have to suffer in the future because of his disability. Please suggest a solution.
Prakshita
A. First of all, I would like to tell you that I’m so proud of you. Well, I do understand and respect your mother’s concern. Parents always want their children to go through less struggle. I respect her thoughts.
However, I want to tell you that I’ve come across some people who are visually or physically challenged and are far superior, happier, more positive and giving than many people I know. What a person is capable of depends on his will and intent. I would like you and your partner to ask each-other if you can give each-other happiness, stability, love and support and be the strength of one another. If you can do all this, then move forward with the next step. I would have suggested you asked this question even if the person concerned didn’t have an impairment.

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