The higher you rise, the harder you fall, they say.
I have experienced this unfortunate side of fate. After making a successful debut with Hazaron Khawaishein Aisi, I continued doing a lot of quality work in several movies like Life In A Metro, Gangster, Woh Lamhe and Bhool Bhulaiyaa. But

fate is a fickle mistress. With just one allegation, one incident, everything — success, adulation, fame and, above all, respect — slipped out of my hands. It was an accusation of a terrible crime — I was accused of raping my domestic help. This accusation has tarnished my image beyond repair. Today, whatever I say in my defense, to whoever it may be, will be futile. It doesn’t matter whether I’ve been proven guilty or not, all that is irrelevant, but I’ve already been punished for it.
Being imprisoned for committing a heinous crime such as this is one thing, but there is something that is much, much harder. Facing the world after the turmoil was a nightmare that continues to wreck me even today. Ever since I was sent to jail, I have not been working. My wife, who used to live in the US, moved back to Mumbai. Throughout this ordeal, she and I were fighting tooth and nail to prove my side of the story, the other side of the coin.
Apart from the terrible humiliation, we faced another more tangible problem: We were running out of money. There came a time when we were forced to seek monetary help. And I can tell you that it is at such times that you realise who your true friends and relatives are, and who had just been along for the ride. There were very few who agreed to help me. Most of them distanced themselves from me. But yes, there were some people from the industry who stood by me like a rock. To them, I’ll always be grateful for being there when I needed them the most.
I remember the day I was released on interim bail; I remember each moment vividly. I’d just reached home, and was having tea when the realisation suddenly dawned on me — I had nowhere to go. For days, I stayed locked up at home, refusing to go out. I had completely lost the confidence to meet people and converse with them. In the outside world, the look that I’d get from people all around was that of hatred. Suddenly, I wasn’t the actor who entertained the audience. For them, I was just a common criminal. And unfortunately, I realised that no one was willing to hear me out or believe my side of the story.
Right now, though, I have too many responsibilities. I have to look after my family and resurrect my image. But amidst all this, what bothers me the most is the thought of the future. At this moment, my future looks bleak. After everything that has happened, after all the things that I’ve been accused of, I have no idea if I’ll ever again really get a chance to strike a connection with the audience through my work. But given a chance, I’d want to see myself successful again, for my audience to accept me again. I pray to God to give me that one chance.
In this entire ordeal, the one person who suffered far more than me was my innocent daughter. While other children went to school, played with friends and lived a normal life, my daughter would get tense every time she would see me break down. She is too small to understand the reason why her parents are so stressed. But even if they cannot understand, children can sense the tension around them very quickly.
Probably the only good thing in this difficult phase of my life was that I got to spend some really good, quality time with my daughter. She was my bundle of joy, my support. The day I resumed shooting for Ghost, she tagged along with me. Even on outdoor locations she would be with me. It was a boon of sorts, because having her around allowed me the small mercy of forgetting the ordeal for some time.
As of now, I have become a changed person. Today, I’m unable to differentiate between friends and foes. And my
eyes have opened, and I’m amazed at how equations change in this industry. But right now, I need to work. I have a couple of incomplete films that I have to take care of. I don’t know what will happen after that. I have no reservations about calling people to ask them for work, but I’d rather get it on merit.
I’ve become extremely wary of people. I hear stories
about my co-actors making
fun of the entire episode that has brought my life crashing down. Honestly, I don’t hold it against them. It is a practical viewpoint, but I know that
perceptions change with time and the success quotient.
Today I’m down, and even though I may think that it looks bleak, no one knows
what the future has in store for me. If one bad incident in my life can derail me and throw me off track, I’m sure that some day, one good incident will get my career and me back on track.

As told to Reena Kapoor