Our relationship is not ending here
My friends at this newspaper were trying my number desperately cause I had gone way past my deadline in delivering this piece. More than 24 hours late and though I do confess to having given them a lot of anxiety in the past, this time it was a little different. While they called me furiously I thought with the same amount of ferocity about what I wanted to write and nothing came to the fore! Nothing! Absolutely zilch!
Then it came to me that nothing here really changes and I had spent myself writing about everything that I could think of. I had written about success and failures, trials and tribulations, the media and the critics, the professionals and the tantrum throwers, movies and movie makers, just about everything and now I realise that I have nothing more to say other than repeating myself which I could do with a certain amount of dexterity but lying to myself has never really been my forte and the story of my life is the proof of that. So yes, to put it squarely, this is my last piece on filmdom and its vagaries. The events are cyclical and I don’t see myself as a chronicler of film history in any case. I am done with this. Thank you for bearing with my rants all this time.
I also realise that there is much more to me than just being a filmmaker. I would like to believe that I ponder, I philosophise, I think. I am a lot of other things as well. I am a father, a son, a friend, in constant pursuit of answers that delude the human kind and much more. All in all, I am not a part of films but films are a part of me. I cannot be all about the movies. That is making me myopic and I cannot live with intellectual myopia. So is our relationship ending here then?
No. It is not.
Relationships don’t end but they merely change and that is what I want to write about here. I want to write about relationships. I want to write about the world and about feelings. I want to write about the things that we are even scared to broach. Topics that are taboo and issues that we need an ombudsman for. That is what I seek and that is what I want to go after. I hope you will join me on a journey to that land.
I have written here fearlessly and with what I believe to be true. I might have hurt people in the bargain and I do apologise if I have done that. It was not a matter of settling personal scores but saying it as it was. I still wish to do that but in an other avatar.
Goodbye and Hello!
Post new comment