The FB laws of friendship
Three years ago when Orkut was still the in-thing, there was a quiet buzz about belonging to a more exclusive network. Not everyone knew about it and even lesser were invited. But those in the loop knew that they were indeed the first few of what was inevitably a phenomenon that would change the way we communicate. Welcome to Facebook.
A site that let you connect to anyone on the planet and at the same time allow you to accept friend requests only from those who knew you was a concept that caught everyone’s fancy that was probably comparable to the gold rush. At a time when most social networking sites were synonymous with no privacy, Facebook cashed in on reverse psychology, someone who wasn’t friends with you could not know private details about you. It was safe, cool and above all exclusive. Suddenly the whole world wanted to be on Facebook.
Friend-lists going up to thousands was common and the adrenaline rush of hundreds of applications and connections gave way to excess baggage and a new application was born: de-friending. Neha G. of STI, North Carolina recalls, “I met a friend’s girlfriend once, maybe twice, for 30 minutes. She befriended me but we never really spoke. Six months later after they broke up I got de-friended because it’s too painful. It did not really affect me as I didn’t know her in the first place!” She also adds, “Unless you had a major falling out with someone, it’s mostly because people friend each other too quickly!”
Anna is an FB regular and has her friends spread across the globe. Facebook is a convenient way of keeping in touch with one’s pals. A lot of people friend each other when they play games like Fluff or Mafia Wars and then de-friend when they are not in the circuit anymore, she says adding a new dimension to this culture. “Sometimes you de-friend someone because he or she puts up annoying posts and you don’t know how to block him/her.”
Does this affect interpersonal relationships? Most people feel it depends on the reason you de-defriended them. “It definitely leads to a lot of confusion, especially when one is de-friended without warning. And teenagers tend to end relationships through the Net,” says Anna Akanksha Ananthawamy, a post graduate student feels it wrecks havoc when you end a friendship like that, whatever the reason may be.”
Abhishek Vijaykumar of American Express, Chennai, offers an interesting perspective. “I put up so many things on Facebook. I know my friends regard my privacy but I don’t have any control on their friends. Under such circumstances, I might want to de-friend someone. Of course, I would inform them first. Friendship does not depend on Facebook, it was there long before FB, as FB only makes the process easier.” Friending or de-friending Facebook has certainly lived up to its exclusivity.
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