Best Friends Forever
Robert Downey, Jr and Zach Galifianakis in Due Date
How do we handle a good friend who often pokes us and pricks our self esteem? Prods us to confront ourselves in a manner that we would rather not? How do you handle it — was a question my friend posted as her Facebook status.
She suggested that such a friend is then a pain in the neck that we’re better off without, being at a stage in life, she said, when she is fairly in tune with her beliefs and what she is as a person. To the many responses she elicited on her ‘wall’, the most balanced ones echoed my belief strongly.
My life has been about friends who have been part of my growth and metamorphosis, who have kept me firmly grounded. A best friend becomes like a spouse, who you have to traverse life together and grow with. People are not like toilet tissue — you dont ‘discard’ them — you take the good with the bad and also let them know when they’re being a pain in the neck. If they make you confront yourself in a manner you’d rather not, but it is helpful in the long run, perhaps you need to tell them to work out a way not to prick your self-esteem or poke you. Few people make you confront yourself — the benefit may well be worth the discomfort if done in an appropriate manner. I look to close friends for feedback and guidance. There is nothing worse than walking around with a bubble of sycophants telling you that you’re perfect and no one points out to why it isn’t.
The trick is to move a person who gets to you, from best to good friend. Happiness in profusion is something to celebrate. The more the merrier works for me. Isn’t it better to have a garden than a bouquet?
Serendipitously, that same afternoon, another friend was most distressed. She didn’t know how to convey some unpleasant home truths that she felt obliged to open her friend’s eyes about. The thing is, you have to do your best about being a sincere friend, but play the balance carefully. Each of us makes choices and we live life based on a set of specific conditions that is unique to us. So, beyond a point, it is really not fair to unilaterally judge the choices your near and dear ones have made. Criticism must be thoughtful and not careless. Distance yourself a little bit I’d say, until you’ve weighed the pros and cons, and don’t jump into a situation and try to be too much of a do-gooder.
Distance! This is really my favourite solution to both the situations that came up in front of me this week. It buys you time to come up with solutions, it makes you understand the consequences of your actions, and it makes your friend also work her head better so that you might not have to go through with the ordeal of apprising her of her issues.
The other hot favourite with me is to have many dear friends, but the kindergarten concept of ‘best friend’ is something we really must outgrow.
Post new comment