Does age really matter?
I find a close friend of mine constantly compromising on her romantic partner, short-selling herself in relationships, and unable to find a steady fit. I realise she is compromising because she is concerned about the age factor creeping upon her. And because, as time goes by, choices may become fewer. She accepts the first contender — though it is someone who might not be of her standard, resulting in a relationship that is inadequate on both sides. He finds she is demanding — because she is used to bette things. And she is constantly trying to improve him and guide him into being something more than what he is.
Choices, I believe, may not become fewer as you grow older. What actually happens is that we become more discerning as we grow as individuals and quite obviously, we find fewer people who fit the bill. The meaning of love changes as we grow older and we begin to look for more meaningful outputs from a relationship. Maybe we are not looking for rocks (read diamonds) and handbags and presents, but what we would want are shared experiences, companionship and intellectual stimulation. And so while it looks like choices are growing narrower, the truth is that we are becoming more discriminating.
The man too, looses interest in a woman who is forever showing off about the many conquests she has made and about how feverishly she is pursued. Instead, what we yearn for is that perfect fit — the kind where you long to be back with the person the second he leaves after a date; someone whose voice you want to hear nearly always.
Believe me, this is indeed possible. My favourite character from Kung Fu Panda, Master Shifu, was not wrong when he said inner peace is the key to all problems. The sense of equanimity that comes from self-assurance is what brings you to the realisation that it will all happen when it is meant to. You will encounter that someone who is the right fit — at the right time. So, spend your time doing things that improve you.
You know you are in love when life is full of fascination, the mundane has new appeal, and you feel kindly towards most people and are patient when people try your patience. And, you’re smiling stupidly at yourself over happy thoughts of your partner and, actually smelling the flowers. It makes you feel kind-of foolishly delighted, however old you are. Fabulous things come to you when you are least occupied with them.
It’s a wonderful feeling and worth waiting for; and, worth not compromising on at all. It’s worth working for, worth watching the calories for. So let not the despondency of age and fewer choices make you despair!
Nisha is a celebrity designer and leading luxury brand consultant. You can write to her at
nishajamvwal@gmail.com
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