When Hollywood hottie Courteney Cox broke up a 11-year marriage with a much younger David Arquette, it left many flummoxed that a seemingly steady union had hit choppy waters. The Friends actress and mother of six-year-old Coco, was seen getting too close for comfort to her co-star the hunky Brian Van Holt, while filming the hit series Cougar Town.
Cox, who was allegedly going through a tough time in her marriage, was getting increasingly emotionally dependent on Holt, which led to the acrimonious split. Many feel Holt is the reason for the trial separation and that the two had an “emotional affair.” Can leaning on someone in tough times constitute a ‘relationship’, even though it isn’t a physical one. Is it sacrilege to have friends from the opposite sex if you are married?
Artist Baba Anand says that men tend to get jealous and they start feeling insecure about their partner’s wavering loyalty. “I have many girlfriends who are happily married, but the minute they get too close to a man, even if he is a school friend, the husband swings into action. He feels threatened and vice-versa, I think the best way to keep a ‘friendship’ going is by keeping it subtle and not having midnight conversations. I am not saying be sly, I am advising you to exercise caution because that is what I do,” he adds.
According to the grapevine, Cox was battling David’s daily drinking binges, hectic partying and it was getting tough for her to control his wayward ways. This is when she found a person whom she could confide in, and that was the beefy Holt with the “kindest eyes and a winning smile.” Socialite and designer Bina Ramani says that one should not generalise and make sweeping statements that an emotional affair can cause a nasty break-up. “If your marriage is based on trust, understanding and companionship, it can withstand many storms. But if you are already having problems and rather than sorting them out, you prefer to find a handsome shoulder to cry on, that would be incorrect in any situation. Wouldn’t it? I think both should resolve their issues amicably rather than precipitate matters. I have read many books and done extensive research on this topic. I have come to the conclusion that if you give space and keep that sacred space in your relationship, you will have a perfect marriage,” she adds.
But there are different strokes for different folks, and ace lensman Atul Kasbekar disagrees. Always surrounded by a bevy of beauties, Atul admits that he has never had a problem in his marriage. “A lot of my working buddies are my friends who come home, party or dine with us and most also ask me for advice if they are having problems. If I was to say that it causes chaos in our house, I would be lying and my beautiful wife would have left me a long time ago,” he adds.
Atul believes that any marriage requires work, it is like a new job, you have to prove yourself worthy of the trust and
responsibility.
Psychologist Surabhi Soni says that when you are in a marriage, you must have a control over your emotions. She reasons that emotional dependence outside wedlock where you are calling up a person everyday and have to speak to him, five times a day, isn’t really healthy for you or your spouse. “Why should you be dependent on anybody? I have seen many cases where this emotional affair leads to an attachment — a virtual one — it may not be a physical one at the start but it can lead to intimacy later on,” she says.
The dashing model and actor Arjan Bajwa, who has been in a steady relationship says that as long as he is open about his female friends, his partner would not mind it. But the trick here is to know where to draw the line. “I have had girls who have been my friends, before I got into a relationship and we have been close for years, and I feel nothing is going to change that. But a word of caution, as a responsible person, you must know where to draw the line, and I must admit that in the glamour industry, liaisons are made and broken everyday, so one can be accommodating or be controlling, the choice is yours,” he concludes.