Going dutch all the way
Deepika played the role of a strong-headed girl in Bachna Ae Haseeno
A close friend recently broke up with a long time boyfriend when they were on the verge of getting engaged. She confided that, among other reasons, the one that upset her the most was his reluctance to part with cash when bills arrived. A woman wants to be looked after — ‘going dutch’ didnt quite work for her.
After listening to her story, a similar question came to mind. I have always been raised with the notion that a gentleman pays for the meal when he asks a lady out. To my mind it somehow emasculates a man to be taken out to dinner by his girl, especially in the beginning of courtship. Maybe the odd birthday or ‘treat’, but on a regular basis, a man takes a woman out.
The counter-argument to this is women empowerment — when a woman wants equality and often earns more than a man, why should she not pick up the tab or at least go dutch? Why does equality not extend to the bill? A modern and contemporary woman is equal in all respects, and that means that she should bear the burden equally.
I do feel that a couple can discuss and come to an understanding of what works for them, based on their situation. A woman may be a wealthy banker and the man could be involved with a start-up with not much money to spare. A relationship goes through cycles. She may not have that much at a later date and the man may have by then got a successful unit where he is able to spend lavishly on his woman.
There are two things to watch out for here. If your wealthier partner expects ‘repayment’ of another kind, that is cause for concern; but if you are not being exploited, enjoy every moment of what your man gives you with grace. Another scenario to beware of is if a poorer partner uses the relationship as a free ride for all the luxuries it provides.
Somehow the charming tradition of men paying for dates seems to be antiquated. Is it the economy? Have men become cheaper? Personally, when on a date, while I would reach for my wallet, I’d be half-expecting a man to say, “I’ve got it”. While I don’t think it’s fair for a guy to always pick up the check later on in a relationship - especially if the man and woman are financially more or less the same- the traditional path of being wooed, being taken out and looked after is always more romantic for the woman in me.
The worst of course is when a man lacks largesse by letting a woman know how much a meal costs, or makes a big fuss with words like ‘this one’s on me’, than subtly just taking the tab and being nonchalant about it.
Here again, the ‘if you want equal pay for equal work, you’d better be okay with paying your half of the check some of the times’ is an understandable argument. But I believe a man who cannot lavish a woman when he woos her is not one who might be responsible later on.
Paying initially is not just a gentlemanly thing to do, it also indicates that a man is responsible, steady and well-established. Women like that - it helps them decide whether or not a man is relationship-ready. The way you treat your woman and the way you conduct yourself, that’s what defines you as a man.
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