Sometimes dreams don’t realise in the happily ever after way that you imagined after you drove away into the sunset. You come out of life feeling short changed, shocked and disoriented. Suchitra fell in love when she was 19 with the very sexy Shekhar Kapur in a fairy tale romance that became the script for her music video. No one, least of all she, had imagined how soon it would all come tumbling down with the entry of a certain Ms Priety Zinta, who on the one hand was “sweetly inviting me for premieres and on the other hand consorting with Shekhar”. Suchitra walked out; left to deal with friends stalking her, husbands of close friends sending lewd smses on her phone. “The Indian male mentality is that if you’re dancing in a particular way you are available. It shocked me. I’m old fashioned. The predator instincts put me off. At least I’m stronger. I shudder for those women who don’t have my personality and go through this experience. What I found revealing at the time was that men are capable of compartmentalising. Shekhar continued work, but for me life had come crashing down. Whoever has gained publicity for my marriage I do not give credit for. Today, I don’t feel that a third person can break the marriage unless there are weak links within,” she says. Being single is made out to be that free and easy life by many, but underneath it all it is a lonely struggle. “For women of our background, where the running of a home was done for us, divorce is like a form of death. In fact I had an out of body experience where I prayed and prayed that I didn’t want to leave my daughter, I was in another plane,” shares Suchitra Krishnamoorti reliving the horrors of being suddenly alone. “You pay all your bills, there is no one taking care of travel plans. The pressure made me take the wrong advice and lose much money in the stock market,” she adds.
Being a single mother, going through the betrayal might have made her near suicidal but she realised she’s not alone in her angst. She took counselling help and realised that women-folk go through this often and Suchitra triumphed a strong woman who delved into art, published her writings and came out a stronger human being. “Yes, there are still nights I wake up in panic. The fear never goes. I grew up with the notion of a man to protect me, take away the cockroaches, but I am alive, creative, happy that I have Kaveri (their daughter) who is the light of my life.”
“My message to all women whose dreams are shattered like mine is to have courage. That you are entitled to happiness, love and respect. Not to compromise in a bad relationship but to walk out in the knowledge that God looks after each and every one of us. Most importantly, friends and family are vital in seeing you through tough times. Everything passes.”
With a passing flicker of the strong flame she asks, “I miss the apnapan. Is there really a soul mate for everyone Nisha?” I feel we choose a reality to teach us the loops and hoops in the process of growth and metamorphosis called life, and we need to work out the puzzle as best as we can!

(The author is a lifestyle columnist and a designer. You can mail her at
nishjamwal@gmail.com)