Is it just sex or is there some lingering fragrance of romance in our times? In this super fast age, people might just have misunderstood their urgency to get into the wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am mode for romance and poetry. All he wants, right after finding a woman attractive, is to cut the chase and get it all done with. The magic of those lingering moments of togetherness, the brush of the hand that sends a flame down the chest is nearly extinct.
Romance is not overt in the face, it’s in thoughts, gestures, actions and the eyes. It creeps upon you like a sensuous dream and stays with you hours after the moments of intimacy. Sex, infatuation, physicality are being confused with love, romance, intensity and depth, and all are different states of being.
Many collegians come under immense pressure to sleep with a friend after the first or second meeting, and the fear of him or her losing interest if you don’t succumb is immense. You both enjoy being together. There is the heat of attraction, but is it love? Physicality and infatuation have a shelf-life that comes with unrealistic expectation, a lack of loyalty or commitment, nearly no growing together as individuals and sans reciprocity and communication.
Today’s idea of love is often a very ‘nightclub-sex-after many-vodkas’ concept — encouraged and coveted by the bimbette models who carouse the midnight rent-a-crowd parties in fast cities, getting inebriated. It’s not romantic like a strong drug that draws you again and again to want to explore the depths of a ‘romance’.
So one just has to play hardball with oneself or you run the risk of even jumping into a disastrous marriage. Ask yourself if the relationship brings out the best in you. Is it just a physical transience and the need to have a companion, just any companion? The most important question you have to ask yourself is whether this is the person you imagine yourself to be a couple with. Trying to differentiate romance from your lust interest takes distancing oneself from a situation, audacity to face the disagreeable and the desire to look at the big picture over transient pleasure.
Don’t always meet over drinks, dinner and movies. Do real world things together, and allow yourself time. There should be no pressure that your partner will dump you if you do not succumb to physicality. The desired result should be a heady control and the ability to look at the reality of the person, not what he is projecting to you.
The craving to believe the best in one’s ‘crush’ is often a result of loneliness, the need to have the coveted date, the need for a partner who is a ‘status symbol’ — someone rich and powerful who ‘matters’. Sometimes we are so keen to ‘be in love’ and tumble into marriage that we allow the first fortune hunter to come in and pressure us to ‘perform’ in an otherwise empty relationship — jump into a situation we have not even premeditated!
Working towards common goals, sharing dreams and values define the dynamics of a good loving relationship. And yes, the time to romance and know each other first, before jumping in because of physical attraction or pressure of losing the partner, is the precursor to love.
Nisha is a celebrity designer and leading luxury brand consultant. You can write to her at
nishajamvwal@gmail.com