Is it dreadful to parent a disabled child? We all can imagine how hard it is to take care of a disabled child. Constant worry, sleepless nights, daily struggles to bring up a child, who you know will remain dependent on you, can unnerve even the strongest of us. While some parents refuse to give up even when they reach a breaking point, others fail to conquer the difficulties of bringing up a special child.
Recently Deepanshu, six, was ignored, abused and killed allegedly by his father, all because he suffered from Down’s syndrome. His father was convinced that the kid was a liability for life. He allegedly strangled Deepanshu to death, a day after his first attempt to poison the child failed. This is not an isolated case. Parents have been punishing their disabled children in various forms, but the question here is why would you want to kill your child.
In stark contrast to the above mentioned case, parents like Shyama Chona and Mithu Alur have shown that if there is a will, there is a way. Mumbai-based Malini has been living with cerebral palsy for 44 years. Had it not been for her mother, Mithu’s strong will and support, she would not have written her autobiography One Little Finger; Tamanna Chona, born with cerebral palsy, would have succumbed to the traumatic world of ailments if her mother Shyama Chona had not developed an action plan for her.
Malini, who found her biggest support in her parents, says, “My parents were fighters. When they heard that England has some hope for me, they took me there for treatment. Even if that meant that they had to wind up their life in India. I feel really sad for those who have to fight apathy and indifference not just from people around, but also from their own parents.”
Dr Deepak Gupta, child and adolescent psychiatrist, says that it is not easy to deal with children and when one parents a disabled child, it puts an added pressure on them. They tend to feel over-burdened and there comes a point when they see no hope and resort to punishing the kid to vent their frustration. “Talking about this particular instance, we need to study the emotional condition of the father, who had to take this extreme step. It could have taken place in a moment of temporary insanity. But in most cases, parents come to us with queries like how to deal with hopelessness when they see no improvement and when optimism too leaves them,” he adds.
Parents love their special children unconditionally, but they too get worn out by endless battles they fight, feels Dr Jitendra Nagpal, and says that apart from the stigma attached to giving birth to a special child, it is for the want of gratification by tormenting the child that they end up hurting them.
He further says, “I have come across mothers who suffer from depression because they have to cope with a disabled child, who was not in their plan of life. And to add to it, families refuse to be passionate toward the parents as well as their offsprings.”
So how can one deal with the emotional imbalance? “Parents need to be educated about the disability, made aware of the resources available and support system. They should try to participate in activities that will help them come out of depression and act as a medium to release stress,” sums up Dr Gupta.