A relationship with God
My relationship with God was the topic of discussion when we left this communication and apologies for not writing last week. Monsoon... collitis and such! However, back to the keyboard and now to the matter at hand. An astrologer once told me that I should go every Saturday to the Shani temple. He was of the opinion that my Shani was weak. Desperate times call for desperate measures and thus I found myself at the Shani temple having no opinion of my own and so went with the astrologer’s opinion.
On Saturday, at the temple I am trying to get a chance to touch the idol’s feet. There are too many Shani-spurned individuals such as me. Finally, I reach the idol and as I am about to touch the idol the pujari warns me against touching the idol. I am shocked. Why not? Because only a pujari can do that. I left the temple dejected. How can I have a God that I cannot touch but the pujari can touch? If it was only the pujari’s God then what use is such a god to me? Disillusioned.
Cut to, in film parlance to the moving in, to our new office. Pooja must be done agreed one and all and I must be the one to do the pooja. I sat alongside the pandit as he said all those mantras. My only contribution was to do as he asked. Now there is beetle leaf in in my right hand and three spoons of water in the left hand. I looked at him and stared as he told my God things for me that I did not understand. Was I not capable of talking to my God or was it that God understood only Sanskrit? Confused.
Dissolve, my films Elaan and Jurm are about to release and I am told I must go to a temple and offer my prayers. My films would be successful. Both my films flopped. Infuriated.
Something was wrong in my relationship with God. Was he not listening to me? Or was I praying all wrong? Where was God in any case? Questions, questions and more questions! A God I could not touch and a God for whom I needed an interpreter and a God who did not understand my prayers. How was I going to make my relationship with God right? My search had begun...
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