Saying sorry

Aug 12, 2011 - Vikram Bhatt |

Age Correspondent

Like they say, Karma is a b*****! And indeed it is. Look before you leap and think before you speak was probably the earliest cliché taught in school and it is the one that we forget the fastest and very early on in life.
How was I going to correct everything that I had done wrong? How was I going to atone for all the misery that I had put people through? First things first, I had to make a list. And the process was heartbreaking because I had to go through all those painful experiences in my mind. I had to relive my divorce and then my walking away from Mukesh and Mahesh Bhatt. I had to think of all the people that I might have hurt in my journey as a director. It was atone was difficult.
My ex-wife Aditi was first on my list and I went to her house on a hot May evening. It was really humid and the house was filled with the fragrance of the essence sticks from the evening prayers. Aditi and I had been in touch all along but it was more about my daughter and mundane affairs. We carefully avoided talking about the matters of the heart. It had to be done now.
She had a question in her eyes and she looked at me with concern. “What is it?” She inquired. “Why the sudden need to meet.” I sighed and said to her that there was something that I needed to say to her. Actually there were just three words that I had to say to her. I took a deep breath and then let the words out, “I am sorry”. There I had said it! It was out in the open. I had begun my journey.
Aditi had tears roll down her eyes. I apologised for all the pain I had caused her and apologised for all the times that she felt humiliated because of me. I realised that once I had said that it was easier to go on with the conversation.
We spoke for hours and everything that she had wanted to say to me she did. It was therapeutic but as I walked out of her house that day something came to my mind and that was a realisation that pitchforked me further into my journey and the realisation was that when you try to correct your relationship with God you end up first correcting your relationship with the people around you. God is in what you do and not in what you imagine.

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