Women and travel
If you have never single-handedly lifted 50 kilos in either hand and walked a mile, if you haven’t ever had an irrepressible desire to take part in the Ironman or the strongest-man-in-the-world competitions, then my friend, you are not even close to ready for taking a vacation with a girl. Girls don’t travel, they move, they immigrate! They bring along as many clothes as are not even made annually in an efficiently run Chinese sweatshop. Bags for them are like a pet that doesn’t like solitude — so they always carry even numbers. Weight limits are meant to be flouted — I wouldn’t be surprised if trains too, started levying excess bag charges soon.
Being the man, it’s of course your lot to lug it around. Don’t throw equal rights and women’s lib movement at her — she could throw something not too heavy, but potent enough to cause scarring and physical damage at you. Married men don’t work out, they just take family vacations.
But that’s not the worst. The irony lies in the final outcome: when the lady steps out in her dress, she looks like a million dollars; but the problem is that the clothes she has on could fit in the inner pocket of your coat and still not show a bulge! The only reason FTV shows lingerie at midnight is because if it weren’t for the time schedule, it could be mistaken for eveningwear, or as often happens on such holidays, vice versa. Which then makes you wonder what you were getting a hernia for, dragging several pieces of luggage across the porch?
And the final blow is cruel. We men have few hobbies and one of them is collecting souvenirs. Hotel shampoo is a souvenir; or even the TV remote — it all depends. But with the significant mass that every man has to tow, he has neither the space nor the strength left to indulge in such “collections”. I am pretty sure that if a resort could accommodate 1,000 women on a vacation, on account of the total weight imported, the gravitational pull of the earth would stand considerably altered for that period.
Lesson of the day: if you want to vacation with a girl, buy small suitcases. And, make sure that you take no more than a toothbrush and a towel for yourself!
The writer is a lover of women and also a sommelier
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