XL truth about women
Ladies, the word rhetoric wouldn’t have existed were it not for you. For what else do you expect to be treated to when you pose questions that come loaded with an answer you wish to hear? And when such questions are asked when your man is already running late, or hanging by a thread between life and eternal hell, he has little chance but to acquiesce with a response that is more precisely cut and tailor-made perfect than the finest of suits on Savile Row.
“Yes it does make you look fat.” “Maybe it’s not the dress. Maybe you need to hit the gym like the rains hit the tropics.” Show me a man who can give such back to his wife and I’ll show you a lion tamer cum crocodile wrestler. No man who loves his genitals would ever risk letting such slip, Freud be damned.
But look around and the average girl is plump, if not outright obese. The reason ladies can gossip about girth at kitty parties is because some poor male soul kept the truth from his beloved for fear of being castrated by a rusty knife.
No designer brand is racist but none of them certainly ever make clothes for fat people.
If that checked shawl starts to drape like a scarf, don’t be miffed if your man reminds you so. Learn to face the truth before you have to face the bitterness of bigamy, or your man having a mistress, for if he isn’t romantically grazing your ear lobes, chances are he has found greener (slimmer) pastures.
The message then is clear. Steer clear of the feel-good rhetoric. For once, man up and take it between the eyes. And men, if you are still sleeping on the couch on account of a wrong answer,
I am proud of you for having such integrity and sincerity to save your sinking mass of a relationship. But, with the amount of space her growing gait might swell up to occupy on your communal bed, the couch may soon become your permanent abode – get used to it.
The writer is a lover of women and also a sommelier
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