Utterly mutterly forgettable

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Mutter splutter. Now with friends like this boy Pinto who needs enemies? Truly, he gets on your nerves. Indeed, this backwoods bumbler gets so dumb-’n’-dumber that he drives you into a state of slumber. Zzzzzz.
Created by co-writer-director Raghav Dhar abetted by co-producer Sanjay Leela Bhansali, My Friend Pinto strives so excessively hard to be kinky, cute and offbeat that you squirm in your seat. This is not entertainment, it’s sheer punishment. In fact, you wonder why the product was ever green-lighted since the screenplay is patently juvenile. Sorry but this kind of effort gives a bad name to relatively modest-budget movies which usually have something to laugh, cry and dare one say, think about. Tsk.
Comic dramedies which unspool in the course of an estimated time span of 24 hours have already been flogged to zombiedom: be it Martin Scorsese’s After Hours or Sanjay Khanduri’s pretty inventive Ek Chalis Ki Last Local. On a more serious note, Raj Kapoor longed for a drink of water in Jagte Raho, K.A. Abbas commented on the urban demi-monde in Bambai Raat Ki Baahon Mein while Sanjeev Kumar showed up in the musically memorable Anokhi Raat. Alas Pinto’s one-day-night-tripper is more than likely to be erased from the memory files as soon as it exits from the multiplexes, which is likely to be pretty soon. The first show at Mumbai’s Metroplex was as empty as a haunted haveli. Grouse.
The plot, or something resembling it, concerns the eponymous Michael Pinto (Prateik). The wide-eyed, bushy-tailed boy from the backwoods lands in Mumbai, a week before taking to priesthood. This choice for his future had narrative potential but is merely mentioned cursorily. Over, then, to the sticky scenario of how bushy-tailed boy gets on the nerves (we are not alone) of his childhood friend, now a frustrated music executive (Arjun Mathur). Worse, executive’s mega-vexed wife (Irate Kumari) makes faces as if she had sighted a cockroach in her kofta curry. Oops.
Aah, and it’s New Year’s Eve. If there’s heavy rainfall, it’s apologised that it’s unseasonal. Come on guys, whom are you kidding? Be that as it may, in the course of the manically eventful night, you’re coerced into encountering weirdos galore. Bore. In the forefront, count a nutty gangster (Makrand Deshpande, typecast), his rebellious aide (Raj Zutshi, displaying a crucifix-tattooed front tooth), a B-grade moll (Divya Dutta... puhlease) and a suited booted gent (Anonymous) who has been deep-frozen into an icicle. Brrrr.
Next: whackolytes multiply faster than bunnies. A geeky guy dangles from a building’s bamboo pole. Yipes. Twin hoodlums are no khushi, only gham. An aged taxi driver (Morose Expression) attempts to pay the loan on his taxi. Sob. Mercifully, his son luckily hits the jackpot-pourri. And last but not the least in this population explosion, spare a thought for a wannabe dancer (Kalki Koechlin). She’s offered a job of leaping out of a birthday cake. Disappointingly, the script omits the shake-to-the-cake cabaret. Instead, our bushy Pinto
performs a Mithun Chakrabortyish disco dance number. Re-slumber.
The romance between bushy Pinto and the Wannabe Sheila ki jawani is dealt with so sketchily that it doesn’t even arouse your faint curiosity. As for the childhood bond between the Bushy and the music executive, it’s much too cliched and random. Why the executive hasn’t ever bothered to read his friend’s bunch of letters remains a Hitchcockian mystery. The exec may be an email habituee but surely he isn’t allergic to paper envelopes which, by the way, have been left lying unopened in his living room for eons. Such contrived elements add to the absence of any emotional underpinning in the “story”-telling. Not done.
Any film on friendship demands a feelgood factor, a certain amount of nostlagia yearning. Director Dhar instead seeks to milk sentiments by obviously referring to his lead actor’s mother Smita Patil. You actually hear lines of dialogue like, “Your mom was a good lady... unke khone ka tumhen bahut dukh hoga”).
Technically, the outcome is just about passable. The music score won’t have you whistling for more. Of the cast, Arjun Mathur as Pinto’s executive chum, delivers the only competent performance. Kalki Koechlin has to grapple with a role that’s unredeemingly half-baked.
As for Prateik, he does have a likeable screen presence but could use his voice and body language far more effectively. Plus, his eyes blink constantly. Surely, he needs to project an unself-conscious gaze before the camera and lights. And of course, think twice before doing another Pinto which leaves you wailing — audience ko gussa kyon aata hai?