I fell in love with this girl, but on our first date, found out that she wasn’t pure. I have been shell-shocked and hurt, but can neither leave her nor get over this,” wrote 21-year-old Javed.
What do you mean by “not pure”? Oh, so you wanted a virgin, is it — and went into an imaginative frenzy thinking about the other guy she was seeing before she met you? What on earth does virginity have to do with purity? What age are you living in? You are 21 years old, friend. Better change right away or risk living a narrow, shrinking, bigoted and miserable existence for the rest of your life.
There’s a risk of you joining the lowest grade of males who regard women as a commodity. Like brand new cars in a showroom, they feel their women must not be “previously-owned”. The girl must shun all others and wait endlessly, pining to be possessed by him and him alone. Of course, men can be previously-owned and dumped several times over. They can be rusted and rotten — non-performing junks with zero market value.
Not a word should be said about “male virginity”. Men being men, are expected to sleep around and put their virility on display. To such a class of men, the concept of “love” is all about virgin women having sleepless nights pining to be taken by their indifferent lover.
There are hundreds of millions of such closet male chauvinistic pigs, or MCPs, hovering around everywhere. They seem like normal guys until they open up and reveal their real self. Their problem starts with bad upbringing and ends up in bad company. When you see your father abuse your mother, beat her, be rude to her, you tend to get the feeling that women can be treated like cattle. It’s a perverse power, and if you ever use it, it will turn you into a pervert. Bad company also helps. When two or more of such men get together, they tend to brag of mostly imaginary liaisons. They discuss each other’s “conquests” — one would think a Julius Caesar had mysteriously met an Alexander and the two were chatting about how they created their empires. They are sorry dudes who live in a fantasy world.
A majority of Indian men belong to this grade — so everywhere in society these feelings are subtly strengthened. Commercial movies, for example, understand their purchasing power and reinforce this attitude. I am talking of films where the girl is always a virgin, whose only job is to madly pine for her lover and have wild fantasies about him in exotic locales. The hero is a “strong virile male” whom every woman seems to be lusting after. Their “love” is purely testosterone driven. I imagine a person like you coming out of the multiplex, looking at a stunning girl and taking off on a fantasy with you as her hero and she as the “pure and sultry” siren. Can you really be blamed? Yes, you can. Where did your good sense disappear, dude?
Therefore, friend, I don’t think much of your love problem at all. In fact, it’s not a problem of love. It’s the problem of the attitude. Before you talk of purity in a woman, first purify yourself from all perverse thoughts.
Apply the same rules to them as you would apply to yourself. Know that they weren’t created for your fun and happiness. They have as much a right to their freedom as you have. So, as the first act, free them in your head. In your thoughts, tell all the girls you ever knew that they could be whoever they wanted to be. Freeing them frees you, takes you on a road to relief and happiness. Take care.