Baba-baby Zindabad!

Yes! India’s most awaited celeb-baby has arrived. Jai ho! Little Miss World is finally here. Family Bachchan is over the moon. And so are their fans. Congratulations, Aishwarya and Abhishek. Mubarak ho! Now can we all please get back to work… to our rather dull lives, and leave the parents of the newborn to get on with theirs? After the unprecedented speculation, interest, gossip and publicity surrounding the pregnancy of our most beautiful actress, it’s time for some respite.

Really! The relentless tracking of Aishwarya’s every twitch and flutter, the huge amounts of betting money involved, followed by the unusual code of ethics regarding media coverage of the big event, made one wonder whether even Princess Di had been subjected to such scrutiny when she gave birth to the heir (and spare) of the British throne.
More recently, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy delivered her little girl minus too much of a media frenzy. Why, even Posh Beckham produced her latest bundle of joy without the waiting world holding its collective breath for the momentous delivery. Baby B’s case is unique. Almost from the day she was conceived, there was news value attached to the dramatic announcement. Even if one overlooks the Madhur Bhandarkar-Heroine controversy, Baby B was deemed “hot” by the breathless media. It is to Aishwarya’s credit that she chose good sense and propriety over instant publicity and nonstop coverage by dropping out of sight for the first few months of her much-awaited, much-debated pregnancy. Perhaps it was natural caution, even superstition, that dictated Aishwarya’s decision. In retrospect, it was the way to go.
We love our desi traits — well, most of them. We believe in nazar and most expectant mothers lie low for the first five months of pregnancy, afraid of consequences that have a lot to do with the idea of someone’s “evil eye” falling on them. All this is true and understandable. What was harder to figure out was the exaggerated media interest in this particular case. It was as if viewers and readers could think of little else beyond Baby B’s sex and arrival date. At one point it became a national obsession with the equivalent of a countdown programme monitoring the progress of Aishwarya’s growing girth.
Several top actresses have taken maternity leave to go off and have their babies. Some have taken permanent leave after that and left movies for good. Others have waited for the kids to grow up a little before announcing a comeback. Two of them (Madhuri Dixit and Karisma Kapoor) are bravely in the running once again, and soldiering on, as they await their respective fates at a very cruel box office. Sridevi is the bravest of them all as she readies herself for her return to the big screen after years of being just a svelte mom to two daughters. Sonali Bendre and Raveena Tandon were never in the same league as the others, but they have sensibly settled for a different niche. Being a Bollywood goddess does come with certain caveats. It remains to be seen how Aishwarya’s career shapes up after the birth of her tiny bundle
of joy.
While the feverish interest in Baby B was peaking, several crucial developments were taking place in India — in case anybody noticed or cared! Rahul Baba’s initiation into adulthood was on in Uttar Pradesh and political pundits were monitoring his every move and utterance very closely. Unfortunately for India’s most pampered Baba, his baby steps into the big, bad world of savage politicking in the badlands of Mayawati terrain, started off on a dheela note with that remark about “beggars” in Maharashtra. Much as he tried to backtrack and salvage his position after that gauche comment, our Baba is still stuck in a bad spot. Seen as an eager toddler by rivals, Rahul’s attempts to bare his fangs and show some teeth are embarrassingly naïve. Rahul is utterly unconvincing when he attempts to play Gabbar Singh and growl, “Kitney aadmi thhe?” Besides, it’s really hard to visualise Diggy responding to Rahul if he calls out “Arrey O, Samba”. That is another thing about desi traits. Once we dub someone a “Baba” or “Baby”, try as they might, they cannot shake off this annoying childhood tag. They remain kids for life. Check out the number of middle-aged “Baba Bhais” floating around Gujarat. Once a Baba crosses 50 in Gujarat, people around him add a deferential Bhai, which makes it a particularly comical combo. It gets funnier still when “Baba Bhai’s” grandson arrives on the scene. That poor child is then referred to as “Baba Bhai nu Babo”. Go figure!
Rahul, poor chap, is a victim of just such a syndrome. India may love Jawaharlal Nehru’s cute “Babo” to death and genuinely want him to succeed, but his minders need to project him correctly from this point on. No matter how strenuously Rahul dresses down and does his whole son of the soil number, clad in unironed khadi, he is no rumpled-crumpled, run-of-the-mill neta. He is seen as a Prince. He looks like a Prince. All he has to do is behave like one. And forget making speeches. Leave speechifying to more competent courtiers like Kapil Sibal. Rahul playing the Reluctant Prince has a greater chance of impressing the masses than Rahul the Unconvincing Socialist. Making people believe he possesses a magic wand that will take care of their problems miraculously somewhere in the future is a far better strategy to adopt than the one he’s going in for right now. Mayawati is on a roll. She is coming up with one masterstroke after another. Mayawati looks unstoppable. Like an elephant on a rampage. You need a Hercules to take her on. Rahul Baba had better start pumping iron. Right now!

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