Nothing dirty about her

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In an age of frenetic consciousness of size, appearance and luxury brands, the girl next door Vidya Balan has left all the hoity toity madams behind and will probably win every award for her performance in The Dirty Picture.

Shades of the real Vidya, the sparkling yet propah lady I know, in the gutsy ambitious rambunctious Silk came through. Silk chose to go it her way in a judgmental world. Only when she stops to think of the world that judges her does she falter. Vidya too has chosen to go with her decision to work with her sense of conviction.
Years ago when she was waiting her turn to audition for a role, she overheard some glamorous girls laughing about the behenji Vidya who dared to dream.
Along the way, those words stayed with her, coupled with media criticising her dress sense. It rankled. In one’s relationship with oneself, one is sometimes torn between one’s idea of self and what one appears to the outer world. “I made a great effort to wear dresses and be a person that I was intrinsically not. Until the discomfort brought with it the realisation that we really don’t need to be whom we are not. I decided to be the person I really am, and my dress sense is only symbolic to it.”
Psychologists describe this as ‘waking up’, causing both visible and hidden conflict and subsequent change in one’s relationship with oneself. “From that day on I wore mostly saris and it reflected in my performances and my outlook. I began to see a change in my work and my critics were quietened. I was being told that sari is an older dress while I find it timeless and ageless. There was almost a resurgence and reaffirmation of myself from that point, the ‘I, me and myself’ burst forth stronger than ever.”
Self-realisation is the awakening within us. Contrary to the adverse criticisms and hits we take as we grow up, the baggage we carry is from unwarranted criticism and unasked advice. Approval should first be sought from within to feel that inimitable sense of self-worth.
“I chose to do what I believe in, whether it’s clothes or roles I am doing, what is giving me joy. Vis Silk, the character from Dirty Picture, for me as an actor it’s very important to believe that such people exist. Any character one has to empathise with, drawing from personal experiences and then essay the role. When I read the script, what struck me was that she was celebrating her individuality. Judgement of other people doesn’t matter. When Silk fell prey to what people saw her as, it was the beginning of her downfall. For me throwing out debilitating judgement and negative criticism was my awakening.”
“I’d attribute my success to that faith in myself. They have always allowed me to live life on my own terms. I feel unconditionally loved. That’s where it comes from and that’s what allows me to filter out the negative. I also have much faith in God.”

Nisha is a lifestyle columnist and a designer. You can mail her at nishjamwal@gmail.com [2])