Demi More at 42 may be the poster girl for the older woman-younger man syndrome in relationships, but it’s catching fire all over the world. One-sixth of women in their 50s, date men in their 40s and 30s and almost one-third of women between ages 40 and 69 are dating the more flexible younger men who draw them probably because of that sense of adventure of the more spontaneous, younger men. And it seems to be working, this equation.
In India, I think, young men go for older woman because the virginity bogey has quite evaporated. Situations such as this only happen when one is not looking for it, since the mind. And then forbidden fruit is always tempting. Where once a certain behaviour is treated as unacceptable, over time, views become more liberal and it becomes acceptable to one. It begins as a casual idea of a challenge on both sides, untrammelled by the need for commitments of permanence until things by their own momentum get too deep and intense.
The Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy, reports that couples don’t care about the gap, only the outside world does. It states that the men are more strongly drawn to older women because of their sexual expertise and after all the idea of a woman who is sexually knowledgeable and passionate is very attractive to a man who gets more hesitant interactions and conditional sexual access from younger women. Research shows that these women often display formidable sexual prowess and younger men are drawn by the promise of what they have to offer between the sheets. What starts with a physical attraction turns into something intense with the appeal of that confident, assured air about older women.
Older women tend to bring a wealth of experience with them, both in matters of the head and heart. They’ve been-there-done-that, and can sometimes offer valuable advice to a younger beau on how to conduct himself socially and also in a difficult work situation, or even a career move.
So do these relationships work? While psycho-analysts do seem to be speaking in favor of this shift, I can vouch for it after seeing some success stories. My friend went into it with trepidations, “He is a model, he is so attractive...” and seven years down they are happy as ever.
(The author is a lifestyle columnist and a designer. You can mail her at
nishjamwal@gmail.com [1])
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