Retreat is not a sign of weakness

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Retreat is often a sad word in military circles. It normally signifies a setback, if not a failure, of a military campaign. History is replete with such retreats, and heading the list is the one at Dunkirk, the greatest setback to Britain’s fight against Hitler’s Germany in 1940. But there is also another version of retreat and that is a strategic retreat, which is not so well known. In fact, strategic retreats sometimes come with great military victories, such as the Chinese Long March.

But what has a military retreat got to do with life and living? A lot, if you want to be high on the emotional level. I am reminded, in a very unusual way, of a journalist I know who wants to win an argument at any cost. He believes that every friendly discussion, or argument, is a battle and he has to emerge the victor. Only his point of view has to prevail, the rest be damned. Much to his poor wife’s chagrin, he does not care how many ‘friends’ prefer to give him a wide berth or how many hosts he has offended.
My friend may be extreme in his attitude, but a diluted version of that habit exists in many of us. We all want our views to prevail when it comes to a discussion with a weaker person. Parents want to dominate their children’s mindspace, bosses their subordinates’ and mistresses their maids’. But in the process, we forget that by indulging in such behaviour, we do not gain anyone’s respect. Others may agree with us, eventually… but just for reasons of convenience, not conviction. The proof is when you realise that
very few employees speak well of their bosses, or the household help of their mistresses.
My philosophy is that it always pays to beat a strategic retreat just when the subject of your anger expects you to go in for the kill. A retreat is not a sign of weakness; on the contrary, it signifies strength.
When your child makes three huge mistakes, just be firm with him for the biggest one of them all. And go gentle on the other two. He will appreciate your softness and feel much more contrite about his lapses, than if you were to scream at him for all three. The same goes for your domestic help. Not only will they feel that you are a fair person, but you will be able to extract a lot more co-operation from them.
I know it is difficult to exercise restraint in the use of power, but then if you keep your eyes peeled and your ears open, you will hear many of the people around you mutter curses under their breath every time they get a tongue lashing. Be it waiters, the liftman, drivers, the maid in the kitchen, or the child going to school. They do not say it openly, because everyone fears authority. But do you want to show your power or is it not better to beat a retreat and incentivise them to improve?