The stepmom factor

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The wedding festivities were no sooner over than the stepmother began to show herself in her true colours. She could not endure the girl’s good qualities, which by contrast rendered her own daughters the more odious...
We’ve all grown up listening to the tale of Cinderella and her evil stepmother. There was also Snow White; and, several other stories in Indian mythology as well, that painted a vicious and cruel picture of the stepmother. In fact, these stories are so ingrained in our minds that every girl wants a Prince Charming and no child wants an evil stepmother.

Ever since the time of the brothers Grimm, the stepmother has been considered the ‘evil one’ in the equation. But it looks like slowly, over the centuries, the wicked aura surrounding the stepmother has faded, giving her a more humane and motherly persona. Take for instance, actress Katie Holmes, who has a daughter Suri with husband Tom Cruise. She has roped in her stepdaughter Isabella (Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman’s daughter) as an apprentice to build her Holmes & Yang brand. The gorgeous Catherine Zeta-Jones lets her husband Michael Douglas take her kids to visit their stepbrother in jail. Closer home, Farhan and Zoya Akhtar reportedly share a warm relationship with Shabana Azmi; actress/ singer Shruti Haasan asserts that her father Kamal Haasan’s partner Gautami is one of her pillars of strength. Even Telugu star Mahesh Babu, it is believed, shares a strong bond with his stepmom Vijaya Nirmala.
Of course, there are cases that are the exact opposite. Like for instance, the scene from the popular movie Stepmom where an angry Anna screams at her father, “You didn’t ask me if I wanted a new mother. You didn’t even ask me if I liked her!” Khole Kardashian lashed out at her stepmother on Twitter in a fit of rage. NFL star Deion Sanders’ young daughter Deiondra blasted her stepmom Pilar on Twitter, calling her a ‘gold digger’ and went on to add: “All u had to do was be a supportive wife. Only thing u ever cared about doing with my dad is reality shows.”
Supermodel Gisele Bundchen, also a stepmom, highlights a different perspective to the issue. When she learnt that Tom Brady’s ex-girlfriend was pregnant with his son, she gave an interview saying that the incident was a blessing in disguise: “Our relationship has become so much stronger, and I think I wouldn’t be as certain as I am today if it weren’t for that.”
Sociologist and family behavioural expert Smita Khanna points out that the cloak of vice surrounding the stepmom is slowly disappearing. She observes, “Right from medieval times, the image of a stepmother has been a negative one — even though re-marriage was a common practice, the image never really went through a makeover. But now, it seems that with the advent of globalisation, opening up of minds, travel and a general sense of broad-mindedness, we have become more accepting than we used to be. It isn’t that such a relationship has become commonplace now but on the other hand, we don’t look at a stepmother with the same amount of trepidation or fear. Yes, she may be the ‘other woman’ but that doesn’t mean she’s evil or mean.”
Perhaps one of the most touching tributes to a stepmother came from Carrie Fisher when her stepmother Elizabeth Taylor passed away last year. Speaking to E! Television, she said, “A devoted mother many times over and even very briefly, a stepmother to my brother Todd and myself; loyal to the lifelong friends surrounding her... If my father had to divorce my mother for anyone — I’m so grateful that it was Elizabeth — a woman who rarely did things in half measures.”
Actress/musician Shruti Haasan maintains that amid her hectic schedules, the one thing that keeps her grounded is her family. It is well known that Kamal Haasan’s daughters Shruti and Akshara share a warm bond with his partner Gautami. It is said that the former actress dotes on the girls and every time they are home, she pampers them and enjoys looking after them.
Shruti refuses to pick a favourite or get personal where her family ties are concerned but she says with a smile, “Everyone in my family is equally important to me and I cherish the bond that I share with each one of them. My family has always been my support system and I’m glad it has been that way.”
Varalaxmi Sarathkumar, actor-turned-politician Sarathkumar’s daughter from his previous relationship with Chaya, is known to maintain a cordial relationship with both her parents. The dancer-turned-actress chooses to be tight-lipped about her rapport with Radikha, Sarathkumar’s wife but she says, “In today’s times, maintaining any kind of family ties, especially when we all have our own professional commitments, is something that we need to take time out for. All through my ups and downs, I’ve realised that it is my family that I can always depend on and this includes each and every one of them.” Prod her a little more and the lady reveals, “Rayan (Radikha’s daughter from a previous marriage) and I get along really well, we have lots in common and bond over things like music and movies. I’m quite fond of Raahul (Sarathkumar and Radikha’s son) too.”
But what is it like to be on the other side — the husband/father who ends up doing a tightrope walk between his (now) wife and his children. “It is tough, yes, but what is important is that the man needs to have his priorities in place. Since he is the link between his wife and the children, the way he treats his children in the presence of his wife and vice versa will be the key to which way the relationship could go. If there is a warm camaraderie and mutual respect, then it is obvious that the relationship would have lesser obstacles,” explains Dr Satyan Ghosh, a psychologist and relationship expert.
Ad guru Alyque Padamsee, who has been in three relationships and proudly flaunts his blended family, sums up the ‘stepmom factor’ — “In our family, the ‘normal’ or ‘conventional’ doesn’t really hold and honestly, it doesn’t even matter. We are all very fond of each other and when we are together, we forget everything else and just focus on having a good time. According to me, that’s what matters the most.”