I am neither good looking nor athletic. I have this fear the world is passing by and I will be ignored forever as I am being ignored in my office these days. Tell me what to do, but no diets and workouts please. I just can’t do them.
— A young girl in her 20s
You want a no-diet-no-workout “designer advice” to stun your office guys and get your man. Sure! There is a way for a young lady like you to appear beautiful and dazzle people without makeovers and diets. To know this, first understand the mechanism of appreciation. Understand what happens inside the mind of a young man when he meets a young woman. Learn the process by which a man gets “suddenly interested” in a woman.
Unless the guy is on a testosterone high and is hopping around searching for a Kat or Kang lookalike, the male mindset goes for “heart appeal” as against pure sex appeal. The heart appeal has many built-in factors: Good looks and a sexy figure are just two of them. The other important appeal is “goodness”.
There is also “street smartness,” and finally there is the all-important “soul.” To most men in their 20s, the last three outweigh the first two. Men are willing to let go in the looks and sexiness departments if they get an overwhelming score in goodness and street smartness. On the other hand if they discern the presence of a deep soul, many of them would just melt right there and look no further.
There is a hidden logic for this behaviour. The male personality has many facets. The Alpha Male who urgently wants to drag his woman to bed is just one of the guys hidden inside. That’s the guy for whom an hourglass figure is important. His is pure lust, and he wants to do nothing else but have sex.
There is another guy inside who wants to show off his girl. To that guy, his girlfriend’s good looks are very critical. She has to turn heads wherever they go so that people may notice him!
There is also a child inside all men, a creative fun-filled person who needs the right company. To that person “goodness” is the key. I have heard so many young men say they love their girlfriend because she is such a “good” person. Here goodness means being understanding, compassionate, a good listener, having the courage to say what you want to say, etc. It’s a lot of things actually, and in the weeks ahead we will go through this carefully, and make you a “good” person.
Most men want a woman to be independent minded these days. In your granddad’s generation, women were prized if they showed incapability to handle themselves. Changing times have ripped out this façade. Men want a woman who is street-smart and capable of handling her own affairs well. It gives them a sense of confidence that she will be a confident mother and a dependable wife. Many a man has fallen for a woman only because he felt safe in her presence. If he got drunk, she could drive him home. If he soared in emotion and lost his cool, she could gently bring him to earth. Getting the drift?
First learn to project goodness, then learn to display street smartness. After you have done that, we’ll explore that fantastic person inside you — the girl who’s full of “soul”. Watch this space next week.