Working together as equals

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A mother-daughter relationship is one of those intriguing equations one always wonders about. It was when I walked the ramp for Neeta Lulla’s Marriot show, that I saw a lovely mother-daughter bond unfold — via Nishika and Neeta Lulla’s endearing bonhomie.

Neeta says she never saw Nishika as an extension of herself, but as an independent identity right from the beginning. She always gave her respect and never reprimanded her in front of her peers, a big mistake that some parents make. “I have never imposed my ideas on Nishika. I feel a relationship gets strenuous when you are too forceful about your own ideas. I cannot live my ambitions and dreams through my child. She was most particular about coordinating her own clothes, so much so, that her first word was not ‘mama’ or ‘papa’ as she was growing up, but ‘match’. She matched her hair clips with her shoes even as a baby.”
Back in the early eighties, Neeta used to style filmstars for magazine covers and take Nishika along. Neeta was quite sure her daughter would don the cape of a fashion designer when she saw her little five year busy adjusting South Indian sarees for the stars while Neeta stepped out for a coffee. When Nishika joined SNDT, she realised that having a mother for a professor is an awkward thing. “I always addressed my mother as ma’am. I became her student and later her intern and hence met her 24/7. I learnt to be on my own while being with her, because she treated me just like all her other interns. ”
“The way we function is very different, and yes we do have spats, but they are short lived and neither of us has an ego. We’re more like friends,” says Nishika, fondly. Neeta’s success with her daughter stems from giving and receiving respect and never crossing the line with tantrums and bad temper.
The secret she says is to always behave with decorum because children grow up and remember and resent. “I’ve seen that a relationship grows when you don’t put too much effort into mending a child’s ways. Reason and conversations are the best way to get a child to understand.”
It’s not all smooth however. They don’t see eye to eye on a lot of design decisions — for instance, the colour pink.
Neeta does bridal and contemporary Indian, Nishika is mostly contemporary. “I let her do her own thing. Whether she does well or whether she ruins it is her own fate, her own responsibility. I cannot push her. Children get too dependent and then cannot face situations when there is too dominant a figure directing them, and I think it is harmful for a child. Even when she was at school I didn’t push her to study; I gave her the option and placed the situation infront of her.”
Misunde-rstandings are a way of life, but the two make it up to each other in time. “We give each other a hug; neither of us bears a grudge or sulks for long. The magic of our relationship is that we don’t sit on a high horse — we admit to it when we’ve gone wrong. We value our relationship,” shares Neeta.
“My advice to all mothers is that either a child has it in her to achieve or not. Let a child make her mistakes and learn from them. You have to accept their shortcomings and build on their dreams.”