[1]Rishant* and Shivika* met during their MBA days and fell in love. Towards the end of the course, when Rishant proposed marriage, Shivika gladly accepted the proposal. They both got great placement offers.
While Rishant opted for a good bank, Shivika joined an MNC. Soon after they got married and had the perfect conjugal life for the next two years. Meanwhile, Shivika got promotions faster and managed a higher pay packet. Rishant’s growth curve was relatively slow. As a result, Shivika’s pay packet surpassed her husband’s. Initially, both celebrated her success and the fact that more money would be at their disposal to fulfil all their desires. However, neither of them had imagined how things would unfold after that. Ritesh was always in an irritable mood, would find faults with Shivika and was immensely suspicious. She was unable understand the sudden change in his behaviour. Shivika sought marriage counselling and managed to bring her married life back on track. But not everyone is as lucky!
“For centuries, man kept woman bound to house-hold responsibilities and did not let her explore her skills. He kept enjoying his unchallenged status of uncrowned king. Now the rise of educational levels in women makes them realise their inherent potential and capacity to work. At times, they outshine their male counterparts. It does surprise and disturb almost every man,” says Dr Rajiv Anand, psychiatrist and marriage counsellor. In fact, why just blame the Indian male! All across the globe and down the ages, a man would take delight in being the hunter and provider. He was the undisputed bread winner who earned more and exercised power. But when the female earned more the dynamics of their relation changed.
“When the woman starts earning more, she has to spend more time at work and meet more people. The male insecurity seeps in and the male ego gets in the way. As a reason, the man gets angry, frustrated and irritable leading to frequent altercations. At times, even in-laws add fuel to fire,” explains Dr Seema Hingorrany, psychologist and relationship expert. The lopsidedness of the relationship equation causes immediate distress among such couples. It becomes difficult for both to stick to the sterotyped roles that are ingrained in their belief systems.
“Some very intelligent, sensible and understanding husbands do take it in their stride and life goes on but many find it a source of friction and a handicap to their relationship,”adds Dr Anand. At times, in love marriages, partners do enter into matrimony knowing fully well that the female earns more. “It works sometimes. Sometimes it doesn’t,” adds Hingorrany.
But then there are exceptions. “My wife earns much more than I do and I am proud of her achievements. It is our money and not hers or mine (even if I earn). At the end of the day, we are together,” said Amit Kumar*, an insurance executive based in Delhi. Similar is the case of Rohan* and Shreya*, who are all set to enter into matrimony in a few days. Shreya earns more than her fiancé and works with a top notch MNC. Rohan is an academician. “We are from different fields and it is not essential that my pay-scale will be in tandem with hers. So why create hurdles in our relationship?” questions Rohan.
Links:
[1] http://archive.asianage.com/thepr1jpg-952