Emmy’s shocks & yawns

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Who doesn’t love an awards show, where men turn up in their best tuxes and women take turns to strike the one-legger a la Angelina? When you wake up ridiculously early to satiate your appetite for celebritydom, you expect plunging necklines, fitted suits and towering heels alongside the brilliance of writing, the genius of direction and the stupidity of some speeches.

The Emmy’s on all those accounts did not fail to satisfy. But when it did throw up surprises, the last shred of sleep from my eyes vanished.
Jon Cryer was adjudged the Best Lead Actor in a Comedy Series for his role in Two And A Half Men. That is as surprising (read ludicrous) as giving Uday Chopra the top honours for his role in the Dhoom franchise. Mind you, that ninth season of the show featuring Ashton Kutcher hasn’t even made it to India yet.
“OK, don’t panic, people. Something has clearly gone terribly wrong,” Cryer joked as he got on stage. True words, Jon. Considering he was up against two-time defending champion Jim Parsons of Big Bang Theory, who was all set to make a hattrick of the occasion, this was by far the biggest upset.
My heart went out to Parsons; may the Force be with you, Sheldon. As if to firmly send a message to enfant terrible Charlie Sheen, Kathy Bates, who plays Charlie’s ghost on the show, won an Emmy too! When did the sitcom turn into some industry political drama?
While on the topic of dramas, Emmy darling Mad Men, which has dominated the last four years, went in to this 64th edition of the award ceremony with 17 nominations. It went home with none. Zero out of 17? Homeland, in its first season trounced the reigning champion in all those categories that have hitherto been its stronghold. Who else thought of Andy Murray versus Roger Federer at the Olympics this year?
For everything unpredictable, the Emmy’s rolled out some only-too-often awards too. Jon Stewart won a record 10th consecutive award for The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Trust Jon to be the one to say the F-word at primetime. Just when I was wondering when some bad speeches would come, Julie Bowen of the hugely popular Modern Family spoke what is best remembered as the “nipple covers” note of gratitude. Louis CK, famous for his filthy mouth, actually gave a thank you speech befitting of Nickelodeon. It’s the straightest string of words ever uttered by the man.
The curves for the evening were amply provided by (who else?) Christina Hendricks (the delectable Joan Holloway in Mad Men) and Sofia Vergara (Gloria in Modern Family), the latter was very proud of her outfit: “I love it because it’s very sexy.” Oh, Gloria.
An elegant affair with some shocks and yawns, the Emmy’s were a reminder to set up your Torrents. Let the ninth season of Two And A Half Men be your priority. Only then will you relate to my disappointment.