Music honed her inner vision

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I consider myself to be quite blessed and fortunate. Despite my shortcomings God has given me so much. There was a time when I couldn’t see anything, and today I can. I cannot see in the literal sense, but over the years I have developed an inner vision, which makes me embrace this world all the more.

I would have been like any other ordinary woman that too visually challenged, had it not been for my passion to sing and seek spirituality through music. Everybody else thinks that I have been extremely successful, but I think life is just a journey. I would not have been noticed had it not been for music.
I married in my early childhood and never went to my in-laws’ house. I’ve been singing since the age of 11 and the lack of sight never hampered my love of singing. I was the youngest in my family and we come from a small village in Bikaner. I have four brothers and two sisters and I was doted upon. My family has been biggest strength. It is only because of them that I have come this far.
You can imagine what kind of background we would have had, since my father was the sole earning member and was an ice-cream seller. He had so many mouths to feed. My father saw me play with utensils and give tunes to the clanking sounds. He would take me to jagrans (singing hymns through the night) and satsangs. I was just six then.
I still don’t know how my family managed to support me without complaining or getting frustrated about poverty and looking after me since I was blind. They may have, but I have not seen them cry or indulge in self-pity. My father always told me to be proud of the person I am. He would in fact refer to me as “Ustad”. He was a man who was completely different from the rest.
In Rajasthan, a girl child is considered a bane. Here, I was treated like a princess with whatever resources we could manage. Even though we were poor, my father made sure I did my riyaaz. He would personally supervise.
I must make a special mention about my gurus. My singing falls in the devotional genre and I was quite taken by the Nirgun tradition. I developed a liking for bhajans at an early stage in life. People would like it when I would sing Nirgun bhajans and Lok bhajans. My spiritual guru, Gatji, shaped my consciousness with his teachings and stories. Apart from him, my music guru Jetha Ram Tiwari was my guiding light. It was his mother who once remarked that I had a good voice and that it should be nurtured. They told my parents that I should pursue music seriously.
I choose not to talk about my husband or my in-laws and now that I’ve taken sanyas, I’m mukt from those ties. For me, music is my inner strength. That’s where I derive energy from to live and breathe. Today I live with one of my brothers and his family. My sister-in-law has been taking care of me and is always travelling with me whenever I have to go and perform. They are genuinely proud of me and the success I’ve got from singing. Yes, it does get difficult for them to leave their family duties and always keep coming with me, but they do so without any complaints. I can feel their smiles and happiness.
Even when I am singing, I like to think positive about everything. People ask me if I have any difficulty in singing since I cannot see. But I don’t consider it a handicap. It has been my good fortune that I have a voice that can touch people’s hearts. What more can one ask for?
Recently, even the BBC news channel, which I am told is among the world’s leading news channels, featured me as one of the voices of Rajasthan. Sometimes I’m glad I don’t know a lot of worldly things and that keeps me engrossed in my singing and doesn’t affect my attitude.
When people come up to me and say that they like my spirit at the age of 70, I feel happy. I am told that I have a very warm smile and that automatically lights up my face. It’s just the simple joys of life I live with. Even today after having performed in so many cities, I don’t earn as much as anyone else would have. I make at most `10,000 a month and I give it to my brother. They take care of the money. I don’t think so much about money. I am simply grateful because God has given me so much — music, family, good teachings and happiness.