Wedding wisdom

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Francis Gonsalves [1]

Marriages are made in heaven,” they say. Yet, many turn hellish. Marriages get murkier with politicians waxing eloquent on bride-prices and the centrality of toilets for marriage. Sans watering down the need of toilets for blissful life, there are weightier matters that religions offer as “wedding wisdom”.

The Bible abounds with images of marriages. Genesis almost has God as the bride’s (Eve’s) Father “who brought her to the man, Adam” (2:22) who, delighted, sings: “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh!” The chapter ends with a marital mandate: “Therefore, a man leaves his parents, clings to his wife, and they become one flesh.”
Besides the two epithalamia or “wedding songs” in Psalm 45 and the Song of Songs (3:6–5:1) with magnificent images of extravagance, banqueting and beauty, wedding becomes a metaphor for God’s relationship with his people: “As the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall God rejoice over you” (Isaiah 62:5). Likewise, in the future golden age: “There will be heard again the voice of gladness, the voice of the bridegroom and the bride” (Jeremiah 33:11).
Jesus is also analogically regarded as a “bridegroom”; his cousin, John, is “friend of the bridegroom” (John 3:29). John’s proclamation: “He must increase, but I must decrease” suggests that the time is now ripe for rejoicing since Jesus announces good news that God is Abba-Amma of all and all are invited to God’s banquet without distinctions of creed, caste, class or colour.
Jesus changes water into wine at a wedding feast at Cana, in Galilee (Jn 2:1-11). During my recent trip to Cana, I was amused to see how wine merchants make big bucks, today, by working the miracle in reverse. Be that as it may, Jesus’ “second coming” at the end-times is likened to a wedding banquet wherein Christ, the bridegroom, will rejoice over his bride, God’s people.
Given city lifestyles and ample opportunities for interactions in colleges and workplaces, nowadays, it’s not uncommon to “fall in love”. There is, thereafter, the sacred duty of lovers to help their beloveds to “rise in love”.
Marriage requires not a 50-50 contribution from partners but 100 per cent self-giving. Happy are those who expect nothing, for they shall never be disappointed. Many marriages collapse because of superhuman expectations. One could keep one’s eyes wide open before marriage, and magnanimously half shut afterwards.
While spouses “cling to each other” marriage requires “spaces” between partners to foster each other’s growth in uniqueness.
Finally, my dad’s advice to newlyweds seems practical: “Let not the sun set without forgiving and asking for forgiveness from your spouse.” Unconditional loving, selfless giving, faithfulness and forgiveness — these will probably ensure that “heaven is made in your marriage”.

Francis Gonsalves is the principal of the Vidyajyoti College of Theology, Delhi.