Dancers often hear praises for their art and there are times when they are criticised too. What works for you might not work for someone else. A dancer has to face all kinds of comments not just about work, but even about their personal lives, body, lifestyle, etc.
But I have always believed that a dancer must not get affected either by praises nor criticism. And a dancer shouldn’t also not worry about what people say or comment, being a creative person one must only listen to ones heart and follow it fully only then can a dancer reach up to his complete potential.
I know of many dancers who love only the praise and can’t digest criticism very well. Do you know that the power for harbouring grudges and vengeance can affect one psychologically and physiologically? My suggestion to all dancers is to learn to let go of everything. English religious writer Hannah More once said, “Forgiveness is the economy of the heart, forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits.”
Ask yourself about how generous you are when it comes to forgiveness? Though it’s very tempting to avenge those who have wronged you but, sometimes revenge doesn’t come quickly. It takes days, weeks, months and, sometimes, even years to bring our offenders to their knees. So think again, is it worth holding onto the grudge for that long? And in order to return the harm done to us, we often end up harming ourselves. After all, negative emotions take a toll both on our mental and physical health.
I met a senior well-known dancer recently, who confessed that she is not a large-hearted person and doesn’t aspire to become one either. “I have resentments against some other fellow dancers and dance critics and this has always been the case since the beginning of my dance career. As my work was never appreciated by them in particular.” She has no qualms calling herself “ruthless” as she believes in teaching a lesson to others who have rubbed her the wrong way.
During my meeting with her and while we were having our lunch, a question came to my mind. Why is it so hard? Human behaviour suggests that people are “tuned” to retaliate when hurt by others. But there are other resistances that block our motivation to forgive. Automatic thoughts or beliefs impede us from forgiving others. We tell ourselves, “I won’t forgive because he/she never accepts responsibility for what he/she does” or “I would be a hypocrite if I forgave because I do not feel like forgiving” or “forgiving is only for weak people”. The other person’s personality traits also decide whether we want to forgive that person or not.
My friend and counsellor Anjali Chabaria later told me that such thoughts often stem from childhood. It is believed that a large part of forgiveness comes from philosophies that were learnt as children. So if you have a very harsh and critical parent who keeps blaming you and teaches you that the best way to get ahead in life is to keep punishing and putting yourself down, how will you forgive? So people forgive others when they are easier on themselves. The stricter you are with yourself, the more uncompromising you are with others.
Then the question comes is that are women better at forgiving? As women are nurturers and more understanding than men, we generally assume they are better at forgiving.
Personally, I do not agree with this, I do not think there is any evidence to prove that the power of forgiving is different for genders. Women can be more forgiving in certain areas and men in others. The area of concern is where the differences may come. There are no hard and fast rules that it comes easier to one versus the other.
Forgiving is a continuous process, consider the value of forgiveness and its importance in your life at a given time. Reflect on the facts of the situation, how you have reacted, and how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being.