A faith unshaken but unsettled

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Ma Anand Sheela was Bhagwan Rajneesh’s personal secretary from 1981 to 1985, and a member of his inner circle for several years preceding that.

As his trusted aide, Ma Sheela was responsible for setting up their commune — Rajneeshpuram — in Oregon. In a new book, Don’t Kill Him, she recounts the highs and lows of her journey with Bhagwan Rajneesh: The spiritual ecstasy, the scandals, her eventual break from the commune and the years of turmoil — including 39 months in an American prison — that were to follow. The account that emerges is one of unshaken faith.
The narrative begins at the time she gave up her post as Osho’s personal secretary. The move did not go down well with him, and he would accuse her of making away with $55 million of the commune’s funds, of planning a bio-terror attack, and expunge her memory and the work she did for the movement.
But her love and respect for Rajneesh did not change. “I still live and work with what I have learnt from him,” she says.
“Before I met Bhagwan, I was a young girl who was spoilt in love by all in the family — my parents, brothers and sisters — a love that I hold till today. Still, I had the correct values and ideals. Bhagwan enhanced those values.”
This teaching would hold her in good stead even once she left the commune, moving from the US to Germany to Portugal and finally Switzerland in search of a secure life, after her prison term. “My parents’ love and trust gave me enormous strength and Bhagwan’s teachings held me together. I was able to accept these hard times as my test. Both his teachings and I came through fire,” she says.
“Love. Laughter. Acceptance,” she says, were the lessons she learnt from those years. “Love is the only spirituality I know,” she adds. “Leading a life with awareness is important, as is accepting life without indulging in any blame game.”
There is a philosophical detachment towards the disintegration of the Rajneeshpuram she helped build. “I do not feel burdened by its disappearance. The pleasure of its creation remains with me. The commune was Bhagwan’s dream. I just carried out his wishes.”
Now leading a fairly peaceful life, running care homes for the elderly, Ma Anand Sheela says she has no regrets. “I am proud to be a part of Bhagwan’s history… I would like people to enjoy Bhagwan just as one enjoys the full moon with its black spots.”