Why men don’t read self-help books

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Daily Life writer, Candice Jung in her recent column mentioned that men are less likely to turn to self-help. She said, “While many of my female friends have had similar self-help phases, it seems like most guys in my social circle (single or otherwise) have never been susceptible to the charms of authors like Cohen or John Gray.”

Why do men steer clear of self-help books? Author Arnab Ray says that self-help is actually not self-help. It is someone else telling you to help yourself and adds, “A self-help book gives you the author’s point of view to your problems. Self-help is an intensely personal decision and no one else can know what works for me, what doesn’t and what my problems are. In my experience, self-help books rarely say anything you don’t already know.”
Many don’t deny that a man not picking up self-help books has a lot to do with the male mentality. “Psychologically men feel they are stronger and should go on no matter what, hence they are more likely to continue suffering or mess themselves up further by not agreeing to turn to self-help. It’s like Mard ko dard nahin hota and ‘Men don’t cry’,” says Faraaz Kazi, CEO of DigiImprint Solutions, who enjoys reading in general.
Photographer Raunak Jain says that inspirational autobiographies rather than self-help books work better for him. “I do feel the need to constantly keep myself motivated. But I prefer to turn to other mediums than read a self-help book. Self-help books are not an instant solution. It’ll be weeks before you finish a book to get motivated. Also self-help books generalise everything and real life situations are very different. That’s why I like reading autobiographies. No generalisations. Purely real and believable.”
But Rachit Kinger, who edits a business magazine, doesn’t agree that men don’t need self-help books and says that self-help books for men are just differently named and slotted. “Who do you think buys all the books on management, sports, fitness and I’m not just talking non-fiction here. How is a book on leadership and effective management skills different from books on making you happy? One applies to your social life and the other to professional, and both help the self get better at something,” sums up Kinger.