I am a 25-year-old girl living on my own in Mumbai. My parents are settled in a small town in Uttar Pradesh. Last year, I got married to a guy of my choice, who is based in my hometown. But I couldn’t adapt to small-town life after marriage and thus came back to Mumbai. Now, I don’t want to go back despite parental pressure. Please advise.
Shweta
A. In India, especially in small towns, people have a certain idea about marriage etc. While I respect your feelings of wanting to be independent, you must see everyone’s point of view and at least go back and explain what you feel to all concerned. Also, you never know, your husband may be willing to shift to the city to be with you. You need to ask yourself a lot of questions.
Are you unhappy only about living in a small town or are you unhappy with your marriage? There needs to be closure and dignity that one must give relationships. You need to prioritise what you need.
India is a collaboration of modern independent thinking and also about values, both of which not necessarily being opposites, but that depends on perception.
You have a lot to think about and I think you must communicate with everyone concerned once you’ve identified where you stand.
I am thinking of enrolling my kid in one of the best/ elite schools in the city. I’m ready to work very hard for it despite being aware that it would be difficult for me to manage the expenses. My kid’s education is my top priority. My only worry is that after mingling with the super rich kids, my son can develop certain complexes — he can become demanding, or have an inferiority complex, or feel he is a misfit in the school. Is my fear justified?
Pavika
A. My dear, we can never predict how our children are going to behave. What we can do is teach them and nurture them with all the values we’ve got. You can’t control any environment beyond a point. If you decide to not send him to an elite school because he will get difficult, you will be wondering if you are doing the right thing by not sending him to the best.
Schools don’t encourage inequality. That’s why they have the concept of uniform and students are known for their studies and sports. They are busy, make friends, laugh, cry, grow, learn. Your fear for your child is out of love but don’t transfer it onto him.
Let him enjoy the fearlessness and security of a child and nurture him with love, values, security and laughter.