Anger makes you lose the battle

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Shah Rukh Khan’s outburst at the cricket stadium and the consequent ado by people became big news. I was asked what I felt about it by some news channels. And it was only then that I sat to analyse anger, temper and what it has to do with being right or wrong.

My take is that Shah Rukh was not wrong about his chagrin and protectiveness for his child. However, the subsequent scuffle had given an unfortunate upper hand to some publicity-hungry people who wanted to feed off his vulnerability and brush with his fame.
An actor known for his philanthropy and intrinsic goodness is also unfortunately known for his bad temper. Salman Khan. Some episodes include his outbursts at the organisers of the Celebrity Cricket League for not providing him with proper security while he was attending a cricket match. Another was after he saw the wrong picture of his childhood in a slide show presented by a reality show.
Indeed he might have been wronged, and maybe justified at being upset, but the moment he unleashed his temper, he automatically lost the upper hand and gave the reins of control to those detractors — waiting in the wings to pull him down. All the good he does, gets somewhat shadowed by the fracas.
I could cite many other incidents of known people getting into trouble. Saif Ali Khan was caught in a fight at a five star hotel restaurant.
The point I’m driving at is that even if you’re in the right, a temper tantrum and virulent anger can cause you to lose your edge in a battle. Not only that, anger that spirals out of control can have serious repercussions on your health, relationships, and mental peace leading to depression and compulsive behaviour. To get angry when wronged is normal and even healthy, however, when you lose control and are unable to deal with anger, that is when it harms you and those around you.
What then is the smart thing to do? The age-old belief that says ‘better out than in’ is misleading. The smarter thing to do is to immediately count to fifty, drink some water, think through the situation and try to distance yourself from it.
True respect can never be earned by intimidation and being a bully but instead by working your way through a situation and winning through intellect. Be assertive but polite and speak your mind with a sense of control.
You can analyse your triggers and the patterns of your behaviour. It is only you who can deal with the situation and counsel yourself to be in control — even though you may not always be able to control your environment and situation. The choice of how you respond is entirely up to you!
Choose never to be verbally or physically abusive, as you will make yourself miserable and guilty. Your tone need not be loud and aggressive, but sure, confident and clear in its message of disapproval. Develop a more constructive way of expressing your annoyance.
Old disappointments, underlying trauma, stress, lack of sleep, low body resources, unpleasant encounters and triggers are often the cause of our anger going out of control. Life and the world is definitely not perfect. Anger always starts with an immediate trigger but gets exacerbated due to these factors.
Exercise, breathe, massage your tension points, listen to music, meditate, do yoga, chant, get creative, distract yourself — do whatever it takes, but see the signs of destructive anger before it destroys you and all the special relationships that make your life worthwhile.