[1]Catherine Zeta Jones says her kids are well-mannered because she gives them stars on a chart in the kitchen for good behaviour. She works hard on not only their performance at school, but also good manners. They get stars for being polite, doing chores and being helpful. When they have enough stars, they go to a store and pick something within the budget she sets aside.
This sets me thinking about politeness. Is it forgotten in the rush and bustle of today? I look around me, even within me and see a great paucity of taking out the time to ask about people, spending a few minutes in conversation before ‘getting to the point’. The rush and hurry is all consuming in a performance-oriented competitive world, but trust me, politeness and care count.
It all starts at the stage where a child is receptive and it becomes almost second skin to be polite and friendly. However, if it isn’t something we’ve been born with or lucky to have instilled into our upbringing, then to teach ourselves to be polite, smile, say the p’s and the q’s is something we must do in interactions, however late in the day it might be. You’ll be surprised how much of happiness or hurt it can cause by including or excluding the niceties.
Amitabh Bachchan is known for his politeness, and many say it’s ‘put on and fake’. To that I say: it really doesn’t matter how real niceties are, because very few interactions are about instant chemistry and love. What some dismiss as ‘fake’ is only another way of looking, not giving offense, at being correct, well-mannered and making an effort to be gracious. So what is the harm? If he was dismissive, he’d be criticised even more, so better to be termed artificial and polite than genuine and rude!
Gestures and little acts of kindness take a lifetime to forget and stay forever within one’s heart to create bonds that go a long way. If you must make a point, say it politely. Bad manners can mean you lose not only friends, staff, well-wishers and family, it also means you can lose your job.
Ranbir Kapoor always stops to patiently greet his fans and if it is becoming tiresome for him, he politely excuses himself. When I first met Shah Rukh Khan, he was not only polite and gracious but took out the time to be humorous and it stayed in my mind for long. Salman Khan once stopped on an incline and took my friend’s little baby from her and carried the baby up the hill to help my friend climb the steep hill. Gestures win lifelong loyalties, so that even though he would have forgotten, she is won over for life and never loses a chance to recount the story.
So use the magic words — please and thank you — more liberally, lean forward slightly when you sit in a conversation to indicate interest in the person before you, listen keenly and with interest, make eye contact when speaking, keep your tone, eyes and gestures friendly, keep criticism light and conversational, and you might find you make more friends and well-wishers than spend a life lonely and isolated.
The author is a lifestyle columnist and a designer. You can mail her at nishajamvwal@gmail.com
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[1] http://archive.asianage.com/tabjpg-207