In love as in life, they say who blinks first loses. So how do you avoid blinking first in love? — A teenager.
Wow, they say that, really? If that were indeed right, then...
After a quarrel, who texts first loses.
After a misunderstanding, who calls first loses.
After the first missed call, who calls again is an even worse loser.
After an argument, who says sorry first loses.
At the multiplex who agrees to the other’s movie choice loses.
At the coffee shop who concedes a point in debate loses.
So, to win in love you should never text first, call first, say sorry first, or agree or concede anything. Amazing!
Get real. Nobody denies that love has a domination game embedded inside it. On the first few meetings, teenagers will appear tender and giving, but as soon as the relationship solidifies, they will try and control the other. That’s because most teenagers are insecure about themselves. They don’t know if they are really attractive or not, so they try and hold on to whoever they’ve got.
Once they think they have the lover tied down, the ego perks its big head. Soon a battle erupts, attitudes harden. Now it’s, “I got to teach this girl a lesson.” Or, “I got to make this boy bend and kiss my feet.” It was love yesterday but it’s all out war today, and the one who blinks first is obviously branded the loser.
Instead of trying to love someone, it’s actually better to love yourself first. If you genuinely love yourself, you won’t be so insecure — and it will show in every gesture, every nuance of your attitude. Where you were once nervous, you will be rock steady. Where you once showed desperation, you will be calm and slow. The girls will pick up that vibe instantly — and guess what — they will find it irritating at first, because it will mean you can’t be controlled. But surely many will find you attractive, because they will know you are not the type to control them either. By loving yourself I don’t mean admiring yourself in front of the mirror for hours, inspecting every angle, edge and rakish looks. It’s just the opposite — accept yourself, warts, pimples and all. Root out the fear of being rejected. Boot the ego out of the love equation.
When you fight on that rare occasion — be the first to say sorry in a dozen indirect ways, keep texting till her inbox looks it’s got a virus, keep calling till her battery beeps and dies out, but keep your cool, your confidence, your sense of humour at all times.
Remember, it may look like war but it’s actually just another face of love. In this battle the guy who tries to win ends up a loser, the guy who doesn’t mind losing becomes the winner.