I, resolve

Let’s first examine, from my point of view, areas that need improvement. Normal and simple things, such as, in 2011, I must stop calling my wife by male names; I must not dig my nose in public; I must not poke people in the ribs when I want to get their attention, and maybe I should allow mobile phones to ring more that thrice before disconnecting.
However, after asking around I found that a New Year’s resolution must be both personal and meaningful for it to be effective.
For example, in 1225, Genghis Khan, in the last New Year of his life, vowed he would never kill anyone with his own hands. He kept this resolution till he took his last breath. In fact, in the last 12 months of his life, Genghis killed all his victims with his legs and other lower body parts.
Michael Jackson shunned all artificial food as a latter day resolution. He almost kept his record intact until he swallowed parts of his nose whilst simultaneously executing a complicated dance involving a headstand, an open jar and a live hedgehog.
Henry the Eighth, driven by a strong moral compass, resolved to stop killing his wives. This proved more costly than he had imagined. He needed a tremendous amount of resolve to stop the killings. In fact, this resolve took so much out of him that he gained 104 pounds and landed killing himself.
Then I thought, don’t be selfish. Let’s have a resolve that affects the community or society itself. A macro resolve, for the world.
For example, I could resolve that India should win the cricket World Cup. Although, if you really want macro effect, the three host countries should win the World Cup together. Then I realised, a resolve is different from a wish. The main difference is this: A wish is what you make on Christmas day and hope Santa delivers — like you could wish for a pair of new sneakers or roller-skates, or a pair of blonde bombshells wearing only new sneaker on roller skates... A resolution is what you are willing to give up and you can do this only on January 1, the New Year day. This reason, and this reason alone, is why the two festivals are held one week apart. Otherwise, if they were both about wishes or about resolutions, they would most definitely be celebrated on the same day. A sort of compromise day. December 29, perhaps.
Of course, there is the argument that a resolution can also be a positive act, “like” you resolve to learn something new. For instance, Hannilal, in 87 BC, resolved to learn the tabla, but unfortunately fell off his elephant during a drinking binge on the 31st and severely hurt his hand. Or, more recently, last year apparently the chief minister of Uttar Pradesh resolved to learn Ketsugo, a combination of karate, savate, aikido and judo, in an effort to increase her upper body strength.