The rumour mills have been working overtime with news of Dino Morea’s alleged late-night visit to former flame Lara Dutta’s house, just the night before her nuptials, in an apparently inebriated state. The bride-to-be was quick to inform beau Mahesh Bhupathi, who waited patiently under Lara’s building waiting for Dino to make an exit and ensure that his lady was safe. While Mahesh has shown considerable reserve in tackling an unpleasant situation, it isn’t always that easy for other men. How you deal with your partner’s obnoxious blast from the past says as much about you, as a man, as it does about the troublemaker.
Many-a-times, the threat of violence can make the situation volatile. Recounts software professional Aashish Batra, “My relationship was complicated by the fact that my girlfriend and her ex lived in the same building. During one of my early visits to her house, I came back to the parking space to find the headlights and mirrors of my bike smashed.” Aashish says he decided to adopt a wait and watch strategy. “Once the other guy knew that his bullying tactics weren’t going to work and that this relationship was for keeps, he backed off,” he adds.
The “bruised machismo” on both sides of this scenario is what makes an explosive outcome all the more likely, says psychologist Malini Iyer. “It’s a wise man who can keep his partner safe from any unwanted advances without letting the situation descend into any indignity.”
Typical answers most men give when asked how they’d deal with their partner’s interfering past include investment analyst Ankush Makhija’s, “I’ll call all my strongest guy friends and we’d have a ‘nice chat’ with the ex about what happens if he pisses us off.”
Actress Deepshikha says the way out of such situations depends on “how big a heart you have”: “Men have this whole attitude about their exes — ‘if she can’t be mine then I won’t let her be yours either’. You have to have the ability to let go of things. Sometimes people end up reacting loudly, while others just let the anger fester inside them. What you have to do is find a mid-way and let time do its healing. But you also can’t let somebody get away with unwarranted behaviour, you have to be firm about what is and what is not acceptable.”