So we pick up from where we left off last week. So many teenagers have written me heart-breaking, but true stories about “losing out in love” as one puts it. “I am totally heart-broken...I will never be myself again!” one cries out. “I don’t know how to show my face to my friends,” wails another. Dozens of others have written very poignantly with painful details, things so depressing, I don’t want to mention it in this column.
Well friends, heartbreak is an occupational hazard in the game called love, much as a three-car smash-up is an occupational hazard in Formula One racing, or a dislocated elbow in judo wrestling.
If you are scared of getting scarred — don’t play the game, because injuries will happen. Remain a spectator on the stands and enjoy a vicarious pleasure in seeing other people win and lose. I assure you it will be an empty and meaningless life. It’s far better to be a scarred loser in the arena than an intact spectator in the stands. Also, you should never hesitate to show off those scars — without remorse or guilt. They have been earned sparring in the game called love. Wear them with pride and walk tall.
While lots of people lose out in love, a lucky few know how to bounce back. You too should be able to get over it quickly and get back in the game.
Of course, you are allowed to yell out in pain — but not too loudly and not for too long. You can cry over all available shoulders, brood in corners, look soulfully into the blue skies yonder, but each time you cry, the tears should reduce, each time you brood your face should be less warped and bit by bit you should stop gazing at the blue skies to search for love. That’s the principle of all life. You are not marked by the number of times you lose in love, but by the speed with which you bounce back.
If you love someone, there’s a fair chance it will not last and you will get heartbroken, but if you are a balanced person, you will shrug your shoulders, withdraw from company for a few days, and get back fully repaired in a week. I know a lot of you readers are thinking — “it’s easy for this dude to dole out advice when he’s not the one to whom it’s all happening”. When heartbreak happens, it can hit you like an express train, smashing everything up, leaving you bewildered and stunned. But there’s one part of you that’s left unscathed — your logical left-brain, which computes everything, from putting one foot forward after the first, to calculating if the car on the road is moving slow enough for you to cross over safely. That left-brain is unaffected by our emotional roller coasters. It’s that part of you which doesn’t feel any emotion and for this please thank God that he created a cold logical left-brain, because it’s the only thing that can rescue you in times of emotional crisis.
Each one of you — in your own unique style, has to learn how to distance your emotional self and embrace the left-brain.
Once you have anchored and ensured your personal safety, you can watch your emotional self rock up and down like a boat in a storm. You can then calmly and peacefully wait out the storm. One day it will surely subside — the sun will be out, the birds will be chirping, and you can step out of your safe zone and walk into the world with a song on your lips and cheerfully cry out — “I’m back!” It’s all in the left-brain friend. You have got to know how to use it well. Watch out for this space next week.
The writer is a film director