Meet Bob, the builder

By the time you read this, the cricket World Cup will be over. And I am sure that this feeling will be summed up all over the cricketing world in two words — “Thank God”.
I would now like to forget about yesterday’s final and instead take you back to the semi-final in Mohali — the India vs Pakistan match — which only two people in the

whole, entire length and breadth of the country did not watch. Their names? Shahid Afridi and Hasan Raza Gilani. Too much has been said about the cricket and too little about Mr Gilani’s visit. I have done some research and unearthed some facts with the help of some contacts in the Inter-Services Intelligence (ISI), Associated Press and Punjab Police. (For the record, the ISI and the Associated Press are not one and the same thing.)
Before we track his day in Mohali here are few facts about Saeed Hasan Raza Gilani.
He was born Saeed Hasan Raza Gilani in Multan some 54 years ago. His full name is Saeed Hasan Raza Gulani, but he prefers to be called by his family name — Bob.
He was an expert swimmer in his youth, and won the 50-metre freestyle at the local club every year. Even then he showed a penchant for strategy and tactics. During the swimming race, he’d have his local goons hold back the other competitors until he completed at least the first 30 metres of the 50 metre race.
Now that we have a clear background of the man, let’s shift our gaze to Mohali on that wonderful day as the Cricket “Bob” (Gilani) walked into the stadium with 26 bodyguards, there was thunderous applause. The applause was for Tendulkar who walked past Bob thinking he was an official of the Punjab Cricket Association. Tendulkar gave him his kit bag to carry. Bob — a huge Tendulkar fan — didn’t mind it a bit as he carried the bag to the Indian dressing room, where he placed it on the floor but only after kicking a couple of bats.
Next, Bob decided to go to the urinal. After all, it was going to be a long game and one just couldn’t go and relieve oneself anywhere since this was India.
In the urinal, Bob bumped into agriculture minister Sharad Pawar and Prime Minister Manmohan Singh. Here, they reacted like all politicians do when they know no one can see them. They hugged. Mid-hugging all three stopped abruptly and double checked to see if the hugging was done after or before they had relieved themselves. But the hugging resumed. The three held hands and danced. Then they exchanged gifts, took photographs and left the urinal.
Outside — in front of the waiting press — they promptly ignored one another.
Bob then went to the VIP box and was quickly thrown out as he had a VVIP double pass and not a plain VIP pass. Mr Pawar tried to explain to the Punjab police about Bob’s status. But he too was thrown out.
In the VVIP double box Bob was stopped again. This time by his own bodyguards who had never heard of him. Finally “Bob” showed them pictures of him swimming the 50-metre freestyle. This seemed to impress the guards who finally made way.
As the match gathered momentum, Bob felt the air-conditioning was too cold so he had it turned off. This, didn’t go down well with the other people present in the box. The end result was they threw Bob out.
Upon hearing of this incident Mr Pawar quickly had another box constructed exclusively for Bob and Dr Singh without air-conditioning. Since it was without air-conditioning, the budgets allocated were passed quickly and easily. Bob and the Indian Prime Minister then watched the rest of the match in this small non-air-condition box on the outskirts of the stadium where they were often heckled by passers-by both Indian and Pakistani.
Upto now there’s no conclusive proof that Mr Pawar was a part of them. As the match ended you can see from the TV grabs that both leaders looked sweaty and tired. Also, that they never actually interacted with one another. However this can’t be strictly true. Upon leaving the Mohali stadium Dr Singh was spotted with the photograph of a young man in a swimming competition.
Forget about the Cricket and the Cup. Has this match brought our leaders closer and our countries closer to a lasting peace? I think the answer lies in a photograph of Bob in his swimming trunks.