This is an incident in a little girl’s life that could have a lasting effect on her.
I am not disclosing her true identity as she goes to school and has a regular life full of friends and activities. So let’s call her Jasmine.
Jasmine’s dad left her when she was just turning two. She loved her dad, like any child that age with an indulging father. Her father too seemed enchanted by his little girl. Both times I saw them together, she was sitting on his shoulders as if he were her throne and she was his little princess.
The fairytale ended when a day after an argument with Jasmine’s mother, her father left. It had seemed trivial at the time, and one thought things would work out.
He never came back. Little Jasmine wondered what happened to her papa and kept thinking that some day he would be back, and she would be his princess again.
It seemed Jasmine’s father had gotten involved with another woman and walked out for good. Subsequently, the parents got divorced. But in little Jasmine’s mind and heart, her “papa” was still her hero and she was certain he would come back for her.
One day, I was at their house sitting with Jasmine and her mother. She was nine. They were discussing her summer holidays and she wanted to go to camp. Her mother was working out the finances and Jasmine commented, “Don’t worry mama, maybe papa will pay the rest. I will speak to him.” That was how alive her papa was in her mind. Meanwhile, “papa” had gotten married again and had a baby girl from his new marriage. “Papa” had not found time to see his little princess in all these years.
One evening at the local club, Jasmine saw her papa with his new family. She walked up to him and wished him. He said a cursory hello and walked away. Jasmine was shattered, but made excuses for his obnoxious behavior. “Papa” was either too scared to embrace her in front of his family or too much of a coward to admit to himself she was a part of him.
Jasmine is now 10. At the same club, she spotted her papa again a couple of weeks ago. He was in the swimming pool with his three-year-old daughter. Jasmine was in the pool too with her instructor. She started splashing around to get his attention. She did everything to be noticed, but her “papa” chose to ignore her. Maybe his wife was watching, or perhaps he just is a hardened, insensitive apology for a father. Whichever the case, he continued showering his attention on his little one. Jasmine started swimming around them in circles, unable to cope with the ruthless rejection, but in vain.
She had a breakdown; she kept asking her mother, “What did I do wrong that he could not even say hello? All I wanted was for him to acknowledge me.” She went through a series of counselling sessions and therapy to deal with her trauma that was such an enigma to her.
I called my common friend (Jasmine’s father) to understand how a man could do this. “She was a mistake,” he said, he wanted nothing to do with his past. “You haven’t heard my part of the story,” he said.
Things happen in a marriage or a relationship. Children do suffer, but it is up to the parents to minimise this suffering as much as possible as it is never their fault. However bad or unpleasant the split, children cannot be made to bear the brunt of a separation. If a parent ever thinks he or she is punishing an ex-spouse by depriving the child of attention, they only punish the child.
This so-called “papa” has no reason or excuse. Jasmine had never said a bad word to her “papa” or his wife. All she wants is some attention and acknowledgment from him. “I don’t want to disturb his new family, but I do want him to greet me when I bump into him,” she says.
Jasmine has been meted out the worst treatment by her father, whose once-upon-a-time love for her suddenly stopped. Does he even understand how she suffers? I wish I could reveal his identity so this man feels ashamed. Like a friend of mine said, “I am waiting for the day this arrogant psychotic family comes to its knees.” So do I.